A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Gardener]

Should I allow H to allow his mother to exclude me from family functions?

No. Nor should your man even entertain such a possibility.

Give MIL time to cool down.

From what you've written in the past, this passive-aggressive, controlling 'nutjob' will never cool down.

I also think that even nutjobs have the right to decide with whom they will or will not associate, so if I'm persona non grata, that's ok and I'll go do my thing elsewhere.

And if my woman were persona non grata, I would consider my parents to be the same and end the visit or I'd leave them and go be personas non grata with my wife and do our thing together.

I know, it's easy to say when it's not your own dysfunctional FOO that's at issue. Still, that's my take from this distance, Dia.

My father thinks this is completely inappropriate and that H and FIL should draw a line together and insist that I be included and treated like family, with civility if not with warmth.

Your dad's right and saying this might also be his way of wondering out loud if H and FIL have any giblets.

My father also thinks that H should be the one to explain to kidlet if I am not welcome at the HFOO compound for the holidays.

H should explain to kidlet that if Dia is not welcome at the HFOO compound for the holidays, the three of us are going to stick together as a family and consider none of us welcome at the compound. You three are the family.

And for the record, I already told kidlet that Gramma H was angry with me and didn't want to see me or talk to me. As for why, I said Gramma is a mean, rotten, controlling old hag! (how's that?).

Good night, kiddo.