It just doesn't matter. We had the "talk" and NOTHING has changed for her since she dropped the bomb in April.
I began with I need to talk to you. OK. What's up? Well, I wanted us to come up with some ways we could improve our R. Oh, in what way? Well, we have been living under the same roof, but we aren't involved in a MR, and I'm NOT talking about sex. I'm talking about feelings. I am talk about holding your hand or giving you a hug.
Long pause by W, followed by, "Nothing has changed from what I said in April." W said "I just don't want to be in a M. "A" M, not "our" M.
This was followed by a discussion of love as a decision v. love as a feeling - b/c it sure as he!! sounds to me from her description that she experiences love as a feeling.
Then, towards the end of the discussion, I told her I understood her decision and that I accepted it. But, that I disagreed with her. And, that I could not control her or keep her from doing it or make her love me or want to be with me. Very calmly stated that.
Then the discussion turned on the why she felt the way she did. Basically got the same statements she gave me back in April. "Anything and everything." Which I told her wasn't really an answer - and I said "Maybe that IS the best you can do."
W explained that she thought with the economy the way it is, if we tried to sell the house right now, we couldn't (and she's right). So, the best thing for the support of the kids, according to her, is to try to stick it out in the house until the market improves.
Please understand guys, throughout this entire discussion, I was calm, collected, not needy, not pursuing, not begging, not angry. Just calm, detached and mature.
As I gathered my laptop to go back to what I will now call "MY" room, she asks whether I will make any changes in the way we are going about things - not her exact words, but the gist was was I going to bolt/file for D.
I am sure I have left some of the statements out, probably important ones.
The thing is, now I know. It's not what I want, but now I know. And, while I am not happy, I am, well, ok. Just ok. I don't feel like crying - maybe that will hit me later. I don't hate her. My worry now is for my kids. And that part hurts. Really badly.
