I pray that it is our spouses (if that is what we really want) regardless of what has been said/done... I am ready to do the work needed however can't do it alone so I just work on me... I did try to go on a "friend" date with a guy I knew back in high school (along with some other people) and even though I warned him ahead of time where I stood with hubby and marriage, he had the gall to get mad at me because he wanted more then I was even ready to think about much less give... Said he has loved me since we were 16... I was the reason his marriage didn't work out... I ruined him for other women etc... Now get this I haven't spoken to him in over 20 years! All I could think was "Damn he is riding the same crazy-train as my hubby - Just not sure which one is conducting the train"...So that old/new friendship burned out real quick
As for my trip - I had to postpone it for now - I was supposed to leave on Halloween however the timing is just to off and my little one would probably have a coronary if I was out of his sight for more then 10 minutes.. Thank my H for that He freaks if I leave the house and once I calm him down enough to leave all I hear is are you going to come back? Yes I say - Today he says? It is heartbreaking and I am not selfish enough to take the trip and ruin what little stability he has right now. I did a lot of praying before I came to my decision and this is how I felt when all was said and done.
So I will stick to my walks after he goes to sleep and the little pieces of alone time I can cut out for myself... His well-being and the well-being of my oldest mean more to me then a few days in Maui.
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
