Last night was a tough one. I had my first boundaries discussion with her which in some ways left me feeling as string as I have felt since this whole thing started. I started by telling her that everything I had told her before (that I am not mad at her, that I love her, want to work through this with her, etc.) still stood, however, I cannot exist in a marriage with three people. I told her that if she truly felt positive about our R that we cannot work on R at all until OM is completely out of the picture. I also told her that by separating, she is in effect choosing OM over her M and that she has to understand that that will affect how I feel about her and our R. I did tell her that no matter what I had done to upset her, I did not deserve what she is doing and that I find it to be completely unacceptable.
Of course she denied that she is seeing OM but I told her that I knew for a fact that she is and that she had been with him at his place last week when she did not come home until 2:00 AM. She continued to balk but I emphasized that I would not be having this talk with her if I didn't know beyond a shadow of a doubt. I finished by saying that either she tells the OM that I know about A or I would. I then left and went upstairs.
A few minutes later she came up for more talking and it was clear that she was stressed out by this. She seemed to waiver back and forth between acknowledgement of what I was saying and denial. She never asked how I knew but I sensed that she does not know how much I know and it made it hard to gauge her response. She slept on the couch last night and we had more discussion about R this AM.
I want to bust this A up but I am not ready to expose to HR b/c we depend on her pay to meet bills and such and I don't want to jeopardize her job. I have never met OM (we work at a large corporate campus and he is in another building) and I was thinking of walking over to his office and introducing myself as WAS's husband and since he is spending so much time with my wife, I felt like I should introduce myself.
