Hi Sandi. My computer has been broken and at Best Buy forever. I am back now. I am doing OK. My H and I are having a lot of really open and honest talks. i have spiraled out of control a couple of times and asked questions I really did not want to know the answers to but i got them anyways. We have gone away for the the past few weekends and it has been nice and we come back almost on a high from being together. Then when we are apart, my thoughts get the best of me where I go back to how could he have done this to us and how could he have taken me to the brink of divorce and included the kids in the talks about divorce? How could he have fallen in love with another woman and touched her all over and then want to come home to me for a whole year?
I still have intimacy issues because I am now having nightmares of him having sex with a woman and then he wants to touch me and my skin just crawls and I get disgusted. Somedays my anger gets the best of me. I am probably going through the stages of grief but my anger is pretty bad and a couple of times I have really lashed out at him. He takes it well and just says he loves me and is not going anywhere and we will be together forever. He promises me a life time of happiness.
I have just found a counselor who seems pretty good. She specializes in infidelity and is a marriage friendly therapist. I go to see her next Tuesday with my H. He wants to do whatever it takes to get me and us through this so we can build our marriage back. He seems very sincere. I just keep asking him for patience and understanding and not to get frustrated with me. He actually asked me to come into the office and work with him today. That was fun. I saw my inlaws last week and they just love me for having the strength to fight for this marriage. One problem I am having is with my own family. My own family has rejected me saying I am a fool for taking him and back and has asked me not to come and visit at Thanksgiving or Christmas. I come from a family of 9 and we are very close and love to get together so this is very painful for me. I told my Mom that she makes me feel like I am the one who did something wrong and that I was the one in an inappropriate relationship and she said I am. I can't come crying to her if he hurts me again. WOW! Anyways, other than that I am moving forward and am glad to have my family in tact. I feel I have been given a gift and with counseling I hope I can get past my anger and disgust and horrible feeling of betrayal that will be great. Hi Puppy. Are you still out there?
