Depressive WAW or Depressive MLC?- both with an EA

[Gynandtonix]

Hi to you all and a warm thank you for your input.

WAW came around today for an hour.
She has said that she can't go more than 2 days w/o seeing the boys and she had said that she might come over.

I avoided texting her to see when or if she was coming over.
She actually texted me to give me 10 mins notice - unusual in that she never contacts me first.

Straight away I could sense a softer more open attitude from her - I knew that she wanted to talk at some point.

I told her I needed for her to look after the boys next Monday and Thursday.
Monday for a Doctors appt, and Thursday I just left blank - I did not tell her what I was doing, just the times I was leaving and what time I would be back.
She didn't ask about Thursday directly, but she did ask a few questions around it.

When we did speak she mentioned the worsening sitch at her brothers where she is staying - he can't keep up his mortgage payments and she may need to move back to her mothers.

She complained that she has no time to study as she is back and forth to see the children. She pointed out last year she could study as she was at home and so didn't lose time in traveling.

She complained that her day was spoilt as her EA needed to leave college early due to ill health ,(occurs at least once a week) - and so she had to leave at the same time.

She asked if I had heard from my female friend - I said no and that I hadn't heard from her in a week or more. (Asking about Thursday).

She asked about my parents and twisted my words to seem that they must hate her. I denyed this. I didn't ask after her side of the family - correction - I did ask after her Brother and Sister after all she had brought them up in conversation, and I mustn't seem cold.

I told her I was thinking about taking the boys out to see a local yearly attraction. Every year we go - my family and parents. I did not ask her if she wanted to go.
She then asked if my parents were going - I said I am not sure as me and the boys were having a debate over it - this is true.
But I still did not offer for her to go. I may do nearer the time.

She then said that she was thinking about speaking to my parents.
WOW - this is a surprise!
It would never happen in a month of Sundays.
And I knew this.
So knowing that I should believe 90% of what I hear and 50% of what I see, I couldn't resist. I asked her what she would talk to them about. Give it a 5 second pause she mumbled something or other.

This confirmed that she is still telling me what she thinks I want to hear....... keep up the 90% rule.....

She kept saying 'I have no time to do anything'
What would be a good response to this ??
She walked out so that she could find the time to think, but became entangled more with her EA who is now eating up more and more of her time, so now she has less time to think.

S9 asked her 'when can we be a family again mum?'
I left that one to her to mumble 'I don't know?'

She asked about what I have been doing all week and what I have planned - (Thursday again ?)
I said this and that, I have hardly been home - I did give some examples of what I had truly been doing outside the house - and I told her that I was planning to go out at least twice next week with the boys. I did not offer her to come along.


So all in all, she asked a lot.
I responded where I needed.
But somehow we did not connect as I felt we could have.
I felt that she was a little disappointed.
I was disappointed, and I felt that I had missed an opportunity.

She rang me about an hour later with some things we had spoken about - she did not need to ring back.
I kept it light and spoke mainly about our ill S7. ( sore throat & a temperature.) nothing too major I hope.....

I had gauged her mood right I feel.
I feel that she was pissed off that her EA had cut short her college time and his health had been a problem, again.
I feel that she had compared her present sleeping arrangements to being at home.
I feel that she had compared her present study arrangements to last years and it pissed her off.

I feel that she is questioning things
I feel that she comparing like for like in her life - and the present sitch is coming up short compared to say last year.

I say that it may have been a missed opportunity to connect more - but perhaps this was more about the questions she is asking herself. Perhaps she was not looking for a connection but a confirmation of things in her mind

Did I do / act right or wrong?

Some of what she told me will be the truth - some will be the 90% lie.
The difficulty is in finding the truth and the hidden meaning.
I feel that there was more than 10% of truth in what she said.
I feel it was nearer 90% truth - but some was hidden in 'Female speak'.
Why don't they teach 'Female speak' in school !?
Chuckle !!

regards,
Gyn.