Hi. Your sitch is a lot like mine. I have a H who also fell in love with someone else and told me he was done. Although he did not move out he put me through hell for one year. I did not know about the OW until about 3 months ago. Even after I found out he continued to see her and stay here at home even after I told him to GET OUT. I also was in a financial crisis, but I borrowed money from my sister and paid for divorce busting counseling sessions. In a few short weeks of talking with my coach on the phone my H began to notice some very real changes--and keep in mind, this was so hard to be nice and sweet while setting firm boundaries and looking fantastic all the time, but I did and it worked. All of a sudden he began to notice me appearance, then I began to talk to him about small stuff, like the kids and school, or their friends or his new job, just mindless stuff, but he said his OW offered him communication so I talked--but never about the relationship. A few times I slipped and cried and told him I didn't want to be a single mom and had all our hopes and dreams of the future still in my mind and that I still loved him even though he loved someone else, but then I would post here and get help and encouragement from people here to get back on track and do the DB techniques. It worked. My H has asked me to take him back 4 weeks ago and completely ended his A and has become totally transparent. He saw how the kids were falling apart, our S18 was failing out of high school and doing things he shouldn't to mask his pain and our D14 was also failing and quit eating. We also have a younger D who even noticed Daddy was never around or when he was he guarded his phone and left the room every time a text came in or a call.
Anyways, look into the phone coaching with the DB counselors, because they are amazing. I had Dottie and she is so real and kind, firm and gentle. It is worth it.
Find a good friend to talk to also, because that helps keep you sane when you feel like giving up on life. don't forget your kids though, because if you are falling apart, they are too. You are the only stable thing in their lives right now, so don't let them down. Be the best for them you can be. It does make you feel better to be with them. Also, be sure you eat right and get exercise, because that makes you feel better. I know your depth of despair, I was there and am now coming out of it. I do now see the importance of doing good for myself though, because I am a much more desirable person now. I hope this helped and good luck.
