Hi Deb,

I felt like I was beating a dead horse with that question, but I guess their really isn't an answer and I just have to trust my intuition!! And, like I said to Annette OW isn't going to just disappear is she?

Hope you had a great weekend. I did. I went to a college football game last night, it poured the whole first half, but I was prepared with my rain gear. My goal was to sit through the whole game in the rain. In the past if it was raining, I didn't care what was going on I didn't go. But I was determined to sit out the rain last night. However, my sister and friend wanted to leave at halftime, my brother and me would have stayed but left. Wouldn't you know it stopped raining shortly after the third quarter started! I'm pretty proud of myself for once again doing something I wouldn't have done only one short year ago.

I had an interesting conversation with my friend PW last night. She wanted to know what was happening with me and H, she said she was worried, didn't want to see me get screwed--financially. I said I really don't think I am and aren't their enough good lawyers out there these days that it wouldn't HAVE to happen to me if it did go that way. At the beginning of this mess I do talk to a lawyer and eventually ended up playing the "I want to see about a D get me an appt. to I changed my mind" that she at one point said this was it! So I'm banned from her office. I told her I still wanted to make this marriage work, that I'm not ready to do anything yet. It's the third person thing that's bothering her the most, I told her I've been trying my hardest to put OW out of my mind. She wanted to know why! He's there with OW, if things aren't good with her H comes to me, if things are good with me he goes to OW, which I agreed I said he was having his cake and eating. I couldn't get her to understand why OW wasn't that important at this point, that she's a symptom of the problem and also a victim of this whole situation. Isn't it kind of like someone being an alcoholic, the person can't deal with their problems, so they drink, it's not the answer to their problems, but a sympton of their problem. So isn't this what OW is, also? Is it because she's a human being that people see this as something intolerable. Doesn't an alcoholic have hit rock bottom before they start to address their problems? I don't know it seems like OW and alcohol are kind of one and the same?

I told her I was fine, I was okay with the way things are for now, but I couldn't put into words how things might be changing. PW at one point did say "H isn't going to change" so why try. I said maybe he won't and I don't know that I want him back if he hasn't realized that he was part of this problem and it wasn't just me. PW then said I don't know C I can picture him showing up with all of S*** and saying he's back home and you just letting him move back in. I said I don't know that I would let him back, my life has been going pretty good and I like it now. I like being relaxed, just me and son, it's easier to plan my weeks, and I DO NOT want to go back to the "walking on eggshells" feeling. That scares me the most. So we kind of ended the conversation, by me saying I'm doing fine for now. I'll know when enough is enough. She then went on to tell me about her and her H and problems. I couldn't talk to her though, I told her when he says something critical just agree with him. She said I WILL NOT DO THAT! I said why not it'd shut him up. I don't know what's going to happen with those two either, but I think her H is MLC, but PW won't see it.

Enough on PW, today was spent with S3 as he went to bed rather late last night he was wound up like you wouldn't believe all day today. Finally got him to bed about half hour ago. Didn't get to go bowhunting as I had no one to watch S3 and I really wanted to be with him, took him to the park and played. I even turned a ticket down to an NFL game today, that ended up in OT with my team losing!!

Cathy