Gosh, I need to post a few things. First, a couple days ago I posted to you:
Quote: I'm sorry to hear that you felt frustrated over in the mlc forum. Some times it is very depressing over there!
WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS: That yes, there is a lot of sadness in mlc, but, I am absolutely glad that I found the mlc forum! I don't think I could have made it without everyone there. There were times when I was so down, and I came to the bb, and so many people seemed down that sometimes it did not seem like I was going to make it, pma wise. BUT I THANK GOD that it is the forum that I found -- I have learned so much about mlc, about my h's journey, and in turn, have learned so much about me, who I am, and what is important in life. I learned to understand dealing with an mlc spouse, and understand the emotional rollercoaster we ride, and understand when we cry about our friends who tell us to "move on" because they can't understand why we are still watching the RAS and have not yet "divorced the bum!". It was there that someone came and helped me feel better, and helped my pma because everyone understood! Anyway, I just wanted to add this because I was afraid that people over here might think I was bashing the mlc forum.
Now having said that, I have no doubt that there are great, great people over here, too. Obviously, with the number of people that post to you, everyone here, too, supports everyone! You appear to be doing well too! Such a community Michele's forums have brought together. And I hope in posting what I have, that someone doesn't think I am bashing the Piecing forum!!! I'm not! And Shiny posted to me over there, too -- Thanks Shiny!
Anyway, Cathy, you asked me a question earlier.
Quote: Did you remember or thought you felt when things were changing and that it was shortly before Spouse decided to come back? Or am I just strange? I posted this earlier, did you feel this way before your H decided to come back?
I did actually post a reply to you yesterday, but I posted it just as the bb went down and somehow my reply got lost.
I remember feeling the change in July -- it was actually when I was on my 2.5 wk holiday with my kids. H seemed different on the cel. I began to notice an awful lot of "inswings" towards the marriage. Up to this point, they seemed to only occur at the time of the full moon (weird, eh?). I "knew" the tides were changing, but when I returned from holidays, almost immediately h took children with him and OW on 10 day holiday to farm (the details are in my earlier thread -- it really upset me). Needless to say, I figured that I must have read the situation wrong. However, while they were away, h called me one morning at 4 a.m. and we chatted. That phone call confirmed that I was not crazy, though I had no idea how long his journey to exit the tunnel would take. As it turned out, the rest of the summer he was on an "inswing" almost all the time -- I kept very clear track of it in my daytimer. At the end of the summer, on Sept long weekend, my h hit rock bottom, and I found out shortly after that. It was then that I "knew" it was only a matter of time.
I am still pretty cautious talking about it, because as you well know, these mlcers can do strange things. But I am very, very convinced that he has existed the tunnel, is out of replay, and is in the last stages. Hopefully his full journey through them will not take too long, or atleast, hopefully I won't go crazy !
Quote: ! H is in the Northwoods this weekend and do I envy him! It's bringing back memories of when him and I used to go up for the weekend or spend time up there! I miss doing that, can I tell him that when I see him again? Or should I just not say anything?
Hmmm, here is my opinion. If it comes up in conversation, perhaps say "Oh, yeah, the Northwoods has great memories for me..." but not "I miss spending time with you in the Northwoods." I would just avoid saying something that he might see as relationship pressure. But having said that, you know your h best, and you probably know what he is capable of hearing right now.
Quote: There is so much I didn't share with my H, I know it's too late now, but how selfish was I? To not be able to share my most intimate, personal feelings with the man I'm married too...well looking back it was all wrong and I should have trusted him more, should have opened up and I couldn't do that. I wanted him to be the one to open up to me to draw me out, but he couldn't that either. I'm learning that if I relax, if I be myself, if I let H be himself, than maybe we can have that openness, to be able to communicate more freely without taking everything H says personally or making it all about me...
We all make mistakes, Cathy. I certainly did not appreciate how much my h meant to me until after he walked out. Don't beat yourself up about it. This midlife crisis is more about him; This may sound really weird, but I am in a way thankful that it happened. It gave me the opportunity to evaluate my life and what is important, and it sure helped me to grow as a person. I really wish that I could have learned the things I learned in a different way, but honestly, I'm not sure that is possible. As hard as this has been, I learned a lot because of it that I know I could not have learned otherwise.
Make sense? Anyway, nothing is too late. Continue to stay with your gut instinct that h will be back. If your gut says so, then I believe your gut is correct! The power of postitive thinking!!!!
!
