It's a beautiful day here! H is in the Northwoods this weekend and do I envy him! It's bringing back memories of when him and I used to go up for the weekend or spend time up there!
I miss doing that, can I tell him that when I see him again? Or should I just not say anything?
The things I wanted out of life were very simple things: to be married, have a child or two, work at my job, retire someplace warm in the winter, have a cabin in the northwoods and that's about it..the sad thing is I never shared this vision with my H this.
There is so much I didn't share with my H, I know it's too late now, but how selfish was I? To not be able to share my most intimate, personal feelings with the man I'm married too...well looking back it was all wrong and I should have trusted him more, should have opened up and I couldn't do that. I wanted him to be the one to open up to me to draw me out, but he couldn't that either. I'm learning that if I relax, if I be myself, if I let H be himself, than maybe we can have that openness, to be able to communicate more freely without taking everything H says personally or making it all about me...
Maybe it's my ephiphany or however you spell it, everything is making so much more sense these days. If I wouldn't have been so selfish maybe H wouldn't have been so selfish, i.e., his need to go on expensive hunting trips, him saying he wasn't important, if I would have just made him feel more important in my life rather than just somebody who was there in case I didn't have something better to do....I was selfish. My priorities were totally mixed up. I know I accused H of me being at the bottom of his list of priorities, well now I know why he accused me of putting him at the bottom of my list of priorities, finally I'm getting it
This probably isn't making sense to a lot of you out there, but needed to get it down for me today. H is still on his journey and I am still on my journey. Hopefully, H and I will meet up at the end...no, we will meet up at the end!!
