WAS seeing reality?

[v1olin]

It is something she needs to have for the mediation to take place on the 27th. My L knows that I dont want a divorce so maybe she was trying to light a fire under my a** to get it done on time.

[v1olin]

I just spoke to my wife on the phone about a 50/50 custody schedule and she went along with it but after a while I could tell that she is not going to give in on the child support issue. Mediation will go nowhere and we will go to court. Then a judge will decide what is the best thing for our kids. I am pretty positive that I will get joint custody but I am trying to come to terms with what might happen even if it is not in my favour. W was going on about how she has friends at work that are divorced and how she admires their relationship with their ex. I am sick of this freaking attitude that WE CAN BE BESTEST OF BUDDIES AFTER DIVORCE!! I kept my cool and told her that we needed to have a talk in person before mediation about how things will be after divorce. She says, "Am I doing something that you dont like? Because I would like that feedback." Well yes honey! I dont like you lusting after a married man and I dont have to stick around for it either!

[v1olin]

Is there any hope here??

[K4D]

Yes,

There is hope. But you are in for a long ride quite possibly as most of us are. Divorces do get busted on this site. Sometimes in months and sometimes in years.

Ask your L if the judge is a dad friendly judge. That could determine a lot in your chances.

I can't say anything in child support as I have contemplated going after my W for child support since she makes almost twice as much as me and we have 50/50 sharing time with the kids. I would definitely fight it if I were you though. She wants the D. Let her figure out how to support her half of herself and the kids.

Best of buddies is a tough one. In some cases, keeping that friendship relationship has actually worked in bringing the WAS back once they came to their senses. In other cases, shutting down the friendship thing has brought reality to the WAS who thought they could have their cake and eat it to. Once the friendship was shut down, the WAS realized it wasn't all dandy and started seeking their H/W back with time.

Tough call for each situation as you have to start somewhere on the rebuilding track. I know with my W, I will not allow OM around me or my kids. He is not invited to anything having to do with us and my W knows it. She is welcomed to join us, but not him. I haven't met OM and he hasn't been introduced to my kids yet because I told W that I would go after full custody if she does introduce him to them. I am going to get to spend a bit of time with W on at least 3 different occasions in the coming months of the holidays and he will not be with her for those times.

This also lets him know that this is not going to be a cake walk for him. He knows he is walking into a situation where he is not wanted by me or the kids.

To each their own.

Good luck.

Kevin

[v1olin]

Thanks Kevin, It is a tricky thing to not be friends with her when we will be splitting our time with kids 50/50. I cant just leave for a month or two and see if she misses me. I can't be cold everytime I see her either. My own lawyer told me today to not have the talk with her before mediation. They said that should wait until after mediation if not after court too. I guess they are worried that she will fight even harder if I do that?

[ClingingToHope]

You know what I can't stand, the WAS chipper phone voice. I'm getting that, and the jokey text responses. Last night she told me two of my friends were mean to her last Saturday when she was out at a bar, but two of my other friends were nice.

I didn't know what to say. I can't control my friends. I never told anyone to be mean to her. My friends care about me and don't like I'm losing my family because she's lost her "feelings" towards me.

The friendship thing is really, really hard. Maybe once I have found someone else -- or at least get used to the fact she ripped my family from me -- I can be friends. Right now, I just respond as best I can.

The closer we get to actual D the more I believe it will be a contentious affair. She's still leaning on me for all the logistical stuff. There's going to have be some consideration for that. I'm paying on all this debt she ran up before I moved out. I'm paying on a car after having paid hers off last year. We gutted my IRA to finish the basement. She's sitting on a nice fat lump sum pension payment.

I'm in a bad mood today. I don't know if my story will help you.

[v1olin]

Clingingtohope, I am sorry to hear about your sitch. I am greatful that I will be getting some money out of this divorce because I have heard of soo many stories like yours. Men who love their wives and families but get totaly shafted in court. Not only do they have to deal with losing their wives to another man but they also have to pay out child support! Divorce law is disgusting in no falt states!

[v1olin]

After reading it I dont think I was much help to you either, sorry.

[futureunknown]

Hi v1olin,

Don't let any feelings for your W or your hopes for reconciliation stand in the way of you fighting for what's fair in the mediation. Your W might get a little angry, but she'll respect you more for it. My W and I actually made big strides forward after some pretty contentious mediation meetings. I think those meetings help kick them out of WAW fantasy land a little bit.

[v1olin]

I am not worried about her getting angry at all. She is not getting angry either. I would be happy if she got angry. We both agreed that we will not settle in mediation. She beleives that she can in no way afford to pay child support. Well, the state support calculator says otherwise. I told her that if I can handle getting kicked out of my house, working in a new location, and paying for it on my income then she can handle paying child support.