Just when my PMA is running on all cylinders I get a bunch of calls from xW on my work phone and my cellphone -- she left voicemails each time. I thought it must have been important enough to call her back, so I did -- big mistake.
Members of our cub scout pack are going to a Cub-O-Ree camping event more than an hour's drive away on Saturday -- however, that begins xW's weekend of custody. I had asked her when we first heard of it (Sept. 28) whether she might see her way to allowing me to take S8, but she said she had other plans for the boys but if I wanted to trade Halloween for the given weekend, she would change her plans. I refused to "go there" and dropped it then and there, rejecting the notion of giving up a holiday in exchange for a regular day.
However, S8 has had his own plans. He keeps telling everyone that he's going to the Cub-O-Ree anyway, no matter what. I have been telling him his mother has other plans and that it's not going to happen. But S8 is very persistent.
Well xW has suddenly changed her tone. Started accusing me of not communicating with her, that she knew nothing about the scout event, demanding that I get her enrolled in the pack mailing list and demanding the contact information for the pack events coordinator.
I sent her a detailed list of events for the remainder of the year along with the event coordinator's contact info (not before I sent a warning to the coordinator!) I also explained again to xW that since she was already planning to take our S's on a train ride this weekend that I had decided to rule out this one event and place my focus on the others. I also did not want to be the one to be blamed for spoiling xW's plans with our S's. S8 would have to learn that one cannot possible participate in every single thing that is possible.
So I thought I had made a reasonable response via email. Then I made the mistake of calling xW back. We had the most insane argument!
She was slamming me for (purportedly) trying to shut her out of S8's scouting events, being lazy for not wanting to take S8 to "such an important event", being selfish for not wanting to do whatever it takes to provide these opportunities to our S's or allowing her to do so when I cannot/will-not. She also accused me of setting her up to be seen as "the bad guy" in denying one of them from participating in such an event. She said I was again showing to be unreliable and terrible at communicating each (and every little) detail to her the second I am made aware of them. She maligned my parenting and denigrated my efforts to be involved with my children, totally diss'ed me.
Now she is demanding that I either take S8 to the Saturday only event for this Cub-O-Ree or else she will. But, she added, since I am now "supposedly" an assistant den leader, she couldn't understand why I would be too "lazy" and unwilling to actually participate in the den's activities. If I do go, she's going to demand I grant her a day during one of my weeks as "payback." And I told her I had the right to decline any payback day that interferes with what I already have planned.
I was unable to explain to her that because she had been so adamant that she was doing something else that day, I had already made other plans myself for Saturday. While I really do want to go, especially if S8 is going to be there, I really need to get my car serviced, as I won't have another chance to do so for some time. But I am willing to put that off for S8's sake. I also have another bible study and dinner meeting that night too. In other words, I too have some events that are important to me. However, I can't say anything to xW about that or else she'll start exclaiming to me and to my S's that I am too selfish to truly consider the needs of my S's.
xW really got me in a very agitated state. I told her that I had kept her informed all along of this event -- she knew when I knew, but because I did not put it in writing she said it didn't happen. Thus I suck at communication. So I told her the conversation was effectively over, because verbal don't work with her -- she can put anythign wants to say to me in writing, and I'm not going to ever waste my breath with her anymore.
It is becoming apparent that xW is going to try to either commandeer Scouting away from me or do everything she can to ruin my enthusiasm for it. She has gotten to be so toxic to me that I just don't relish her trying to horn her way into this one small avenue I have carved out for me and my S's. But I will do what I must, endure what I must for what is best for my S's.
