Well the last email was about being enviromently friendly when throwing out computer parts... Heh... That one just cracked me up.
Guess I better let her know that a buddy is staying here and there is a dog here and just leave it at that. Back to dark and I am going to truly work on this detatchment for myself.
Learning steps... Small but at least they are one step forward each time.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Well here is my reply. I think it is not to wishy washy. My buddy who is staying was having an EA on his wife... long distance relationship... I told him it was no excuse and I showed him what it was like to feel as the bs. When I first found out I blew my top at him and then I told him what was happening with me. I then made a point of talking to him every other day to show what it does to the person. It really woke him up and he is now going to try to repair his marriage. WAS knows about his affair as I told her during the plan A days.... I am writing this as a friend.
This took emails and then 2 phone calls. Was caught on the 2nd phone call and said no to talking and yes to come over in the evening when I am out.
But replying to the email from Monday today. Which I have just left in draft mode and have not sent. Will do that in the morning.
WAS wrote: > Hey Cutter, > > I'd like to stop by the house on Sunday to pick up some more stuff. Let me know if you'll be around to go over the plans for the house. > I'm due in the city at 3pm and assume you have a game on Sunday night. If you're not available, I'll come when you're at the game, but let me know what works for you. > > I left a message at the house too. > > Thanks, > WAS
My reply
Hi WAS.
Just a heads up. Buddy asked if he could stay here for a week or two while he gets his stuff in order to move back to florida. Currently he is staying in a hotel. I said he can stay here in the spare bedroom downstairs. His dog may or may not be here. I am unsure of that, as I cannot understand 40% of what he says. Must be a Polish to Irish lost in translation thing. I told Buddy that you would be coming over on Sunday. Buddy said he would leave the home that night to give you, your privacy if you would like that.
Take Care.
Cutter.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
FIL and MIL would like me to come over for dinner tonight. So I said yes and were going to shop for some computer stuff. Catch up. My boundries are to keep away from WAS conversations and just say I am doing ok. Then off to my home to finish painting the bathroom walls. Looking forward to the new bathroom. Its my first true stamp on my home.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
good luck at FIL/MIL house. Those are weird times for me after all this. I really don't even want to go over there. Too many memories and broken promises.
Everyone always says, you should do it for your kids, blah blah blah, but damn, things are soooo hard. It is so much work swallowing that much pride and pretending to want to be there.
No not me. Atlease i am honest and speak my mind. THey need to understand that i am not the one destroying this marriage.
My FIL has made a point of dropping by the home at least once a week. We went out for breakfast last tuesday. And just talked shop and his health issues. They dropped by last sat as well to say hi. I know they are doing this to make sure that I am ok. I think it helps with their grief over their D's choices. FIL's health has taken a hit during all this and he has lost as much weight as me. Their family has had a tough go at it. I have kept contact with the SIL as well as I am helping her through her advanced treatments of MS. I take her to the hospital once every 3 months for a full day of treatments. Its very stressful and I am a sea of calm for her. I promised that I would keep helping the SIL through her treatment. No matter what happens between WAS and myself. As somethings in life are very important, and keeping a commitment to a very sick and stressed out SIL goes beyond any marriage , seperation or divorce. It is something I freely offer and do not expect anything in return. The brother has a drinking problem. The WAS always said that her parents were amazed that she got me as I gave her a good solid stable relationship in comparision to her brother and sister ( ha ! ) We were very close. We are both just offering friendship now. I believe they will keep with the checkup's. Plus I do enjoy their company. I just want to keep it spaced out and I do not initiate the contact. Now they have 3 to worry about instead of 2. 4 if you count me.
Undrdg. I do understand what your saying. It is difficult. But I would recommend you keep any WS conversations out of the conversation. Everything is as hard as we make it. It is hard for them as well to know their child did what they did.
Right after D-Day ( 2 days later ) I went over there and just sat and talked and talked with them. We were very open about what happened. I kept the details out. But explained the time lines. I knew I had to do this before the fogs justifications took over and lie's became reality.
Is there any good posts on how to deal with the in-laws ?
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I would really like to have these emails and phone calls stop. I was wondering if I should send another Plan B letter expressing this and I am going to continue the dark. This would be my first break from it in a month. As she needs to stop contacting me and my mom. She needs to go live this life she has choosen. I do not want to be dragged into that life. Nor should my Mom and dad. She is breaking a boundry I set up in the orginal plan b letter. Which was no contact unless it is life/death all else can go through the IM. I need to reinforce that boundry. This is really affecting my Mom's stress levels. Its an item that WAS and Mom worked on over the years during their very close relationship. And right now WAS has forgotten this.
Opinions please.
Hi Cutter, I think you're doing a great job under hash conditions. You asked for opinions about getting her to stop contact. The simplest way to do this is:
1) Phone calls: Get new home and cell numbers. Request the new home number be Unlisted. Inform your close friends of your new numbers and make it clear to them that they should not be shared with ANYONE - specifically her.
2) Emails: Either get a new email address or block her email address.
3) Another Plan B letter? NO. Actions speak louder than words. Remember the swoosh... and just do it. You've said it once... anything more makes it just noise.
4) Mom: Hmmm.. this isn't so easy, and your mom has told her she has nothing to say to her while she's having the affair. Your mom is going to have to stand her own ground and either screen her own calls or SPELL it out to her to NOT contact her.
Right now she is bugging your mom to get to you. Don't let her. Ask your mother to please refrain from telling you if WAW has contacted her. If your mom wants to make the point clear she can say that the topic of WAW is off limits with you.
oh, yeah, beware: Once she figures out that she can't contact you vial electronic means she's going to arrive on your doorstep to "get to you." How you handle that is up to you, just a heads up.
Is there anything more you can do from your side to accelerate the end of the affair? Because only once that is over will she start seeing reality. Hmmm... I dunno if this could help, but maybe contacting her company's HR department and exposing the affair to them? Look into that and make sure you know the ramifications of it before you take that step.
This week I have woken up at 4:05am every single day. And cannot fall back to sleep. Like clockwork. Bizarre.
You know, It's funny, I have been waking up at 4 like clockwork too since the bomb and didn't know why. I actually read the other day that depressed people tend to wake up at about this time and it has to do with disturbances in REM sleep. One day, we will sleep good again!
Looking forward to the new bathroom. Its my first true stamp on my home.