Your W is clearly confused. She doesn't want to be married, but is probably scared to venture out into the world on her own, which is why she's wavering back and forth. I don't know. You know the situation and your wife better than I do, obviously.
What concerns me is that you're not able to heal and get on with YOUR life while she does this. She appears to feel quite comfortable in just stringing you along, but it's really not a healthy thing for you, imo. Eventually, you may veyr well have to face the harsh reality that she's gone and is not coming back, and you're going to be at square one with your healing at that point.
The whole idea of DB techniques, as I learned them, is not necessarily to win the WAS back, but rather, to build the BS up to the point where day to day living isn't an excrutiating, empty, painful experience. It's about focusing on YOU, and moving one with YOUR life, not worrying about whether or not she's coming back, or micro managing every single word out of her mouth.
Like you said, you can't control this stuff. The only control you have is over YOU, so take control of THAT. That's what matters now.
