Enjoy the interaction. Sometimes things change over night. Very VERY rare, but it's been known to happen. You MUST keep working on your changes though. Otherwise, he'll go back to the crap too. Don't give him any reason too. Positive changes in yourself....we should always be working toward that with the hopes of positive results for us....and if our loved ones benefit, that's great.
The similarities in our sitchs is uncanny. I've often waited "for the other shoe to drop."
IMO...keep doing what you're doing. Don't worry about the R talk. I know it's hard (at least it is for me...I like to know where my M stands) but when it comes down to it, words are just words. Actions mean so much more. Enjoy your time with him and make the most of it. Have fun. Be the person he first fell in love with.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
The similarities in our sitchs is uncanny. I've often waited "for the other shoe to drop."
IMO...keep doing what you're doing. Don't worry about the R talk. I know it's hard (at least it is for me...I like to know where my M stands) but when it comes down to it, words are just words. Actions mean so much more. Enjoy your time with him and make the most of it. Have fun. Be the person he first fell in love with.
It's hard for me to not know where I stand as well. It makes it worse when I have friends asking me about it and pressuring me to resolve it one way or another. It makes me wish I'd never told them but at the time I needed the support and hadn't found these boards yet. This place is a godsend and has helped keep me sane over the past month or so.
The answer to friends is that all is as well as it can be right now. And "I'm not sure" or "I don't want to talk about it now" is a legitimate answer. They will have to respect that. Stop talking them about it.
D is about to turn 16. We had been saving to get her a good used car. Between the Chantix depression in April and the amount of time H spent obsessing over OW in May & June, he didn't work much so we went through half of our savings just to make ends meet.
Needless to say, we can't get her a car.
We also weren't able to tile the kitchen floor in June like we had planned so we still have the ugly stained, marked up linoleum in there. I'm hit with a little wave of bitterness every time I look at it.
We finally got our 08 taxes filed and we owe $3k. So there's that too.
Anyway, I just needed to whine a bit. Thanks for listening.
Weekly check-in. Things are going well. Still waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Still no R talk. I'm getting no indications that H still wants to leave. He's been affectionate and cheerful. I'm glad, but I'm left with the feeling that it's temporary. Nothing is resolved so there's nothing to stop us from going back to the dark times. It seems as if he's happy to just go along like nothing ever happened.
I've fallen off the wagon with 180s and GAL. It's so hard when I still have work, home, child responsibilities. There's really no time for anything else. I suppose a 180 would be to neglect those things, but I'm not willing to do that. I don't know how anyone does it, really.
I did finally manage to read a couple of books...something I used to love to do and haven't made time for in recent years. I read the new Dan Brown novel. It sucks you in pretty quickly and is great escapist reading. He has a very interesting take on God and religion. I like it.
I also read A Wolf At The Table by Augusten Burroughs. I've had that one sitting around for a while. It's a memoir of his father, the prequel to Running With Scissors, and quite frightening and sad.
Stupid me making excuses. Even if I don't have time to do big things like take a class or go out for an evening, I can still take a walk or a bike ride.
So I caught him googling OWs name. I didn't say anything and I don't think he noticed that I noticed. I'm sure he'd jump right back in the EA if she were to contact him. Afterall, they're just friends and I'm just the controlling witch who doesn't want him to have any friends.
I have this feeling, intuition or whatever, that she'll contact him again. Or he'll contact her. It just doesn't feel over. Maybe it's because she's the one who broke contact and if she hadn't, I'm sure he'd still be in the thick of it instead of actually participating in a relationship with me. Maybe I should send her a thank you card.
I've been avoiding coming here because it seems to make me feel worse. I can't even read other people's stories without feeling their pain and having to fight back tears. So sorry I haven't been able to help.
Things have been going well, I guess. Really, you'd never know any of this ever happened. H doesn't talk about leaving (or anything R related, for that matter). I'm sure he's still struggling with things, but he won't volunteer any information. I really wish he'd talk to me but I don't want to pressure him.
Right now, I'm struggling with the holidays. H had had no contact with OW since early September, but she is from here and still has family here. I anticipate she'll be in the area for the holidays and one or the other will initiate contact. I know I shouldn't be worrying about things before they happen, but I can't seem to help myself.
