After a great deal of thought, I think a combination of Dia's and Coach's (really think they are the same) is the best. So, here is my third try at how to talk to my W - ALL SUGGESTIONS/COMMENTS/REVISIONS are welcome:
"I need to talk to you because I need your help. I am feeling unloved, unwanted and unappreciated. This is not about sex; this is about feelings. I would like to see if we can come up with some ways to improve our situation."
Assuming the conversation moves in a positive direction, I would suggest one of the following:
-I would like you to hold my hand.
-I would like you to hug me.
-I would like you to sit with me when we watch TV.
-I would like to hear your appreciation when I do something for you.
So, do I leave the first part of the talk open ended (can we come up with some ways...) or do I make it about what I need, more leading her? I mean, part of this discussion is communicating to her in a non-threatening way, that my patience is not limitless and this current arrangement isn't doing it for me.
Or, do I just play it by ear and only bring up the R isn't where I want it if she says she can't do any hand holding, etc.? B/c if, after the original open ended question, she says she's ready to move closer to each other, there doesn't seem to be a need to say the current R won't work for me. Instead, it would seem that a new step has been taken, and that's where the work should be - and then over the course of the next few weeks, work on hand holding, hugs, sitting next to each other, and so forth.
