LFA and Pearl, Kind thoughts and words of wisdom - thank you. People who are not going through this don't often understand like those here. The majority of my friends are just great, and encouraging, and sound boards/comfort when needed, but this one just got to me b/c I am trying to feel out what I want in this new territory and her advice does influence me, even though i don't want it too (am i just too weak here?) The weird this is that said GF got divorced herself a year before me (had an affair w her boss!) and has been in that relationship w boss since her D...but she hasn't really dated much at all since got married young, and she pushed her D and moved on very quickly (said wasn't in love w H and kaboom, done very quickly! i am just not like that)...even though she's one of my oldest friends we are very different people, and i think she's taken me on as her 'project' or something when now as I look back a lot of the advice she gave me was very wrong for me. I guess I need to put up better boundaries w her...she's also a very closed and guarded person, and i am not. The old hhh was very open, let life happen, go w the flow, spontaneous, and i've started to recpture that spirit again (meeting new people and guys is part of that...and it is exciting and helping me move on) - her lecturing me (she's very opposite and calculated in everything) just doesn't feel right, and truly confuses me sometimes. I think my M.O. of being 'open to experiences' is very healthy and helps me, and she keeps telling me to be very guarded (which I think will prevent me from moving ahead). I guess I just need to realize she means best and loves me, as she told me. I told her and we got in a bit of a fight about it...i think i need to just let it go b/c discussing further w her at this pt makes it worse. I know the 2-3 people i really trust w sound advice and will use them more now, plus great folks here
Yes, I will call lawyers...i have friend going through mediation and she found the process easy and simple. from my exchange w H on Sunday he was very cordial and did not seem like he would throw me for a loop - but you never know.
I am going back to NYC this weekend to hang w girlfriends, and also see this guy I've gone out w a couple times. Again, don;t think he wants anything serious but it's a fun distraction and the attention is nice right now, plus it's helped me feel like my old self again.
I am trying to live in the present as much as possible and not worry about limbo stuff...i think it will play itself out one way or another but thinking year-end definitely..will be in SF around Xmastime and good part of January, so then I can really feel if a move makes sense. Regardless of H, I in some ways like my life here now b/c it's challenged me to reach out and make some new friends..but it is much easier when I'm in NYC or SF as there are so many people i know and much to do...truthfully, when I am busy and in the 'flow' i don't think about H as much, and that is good.
LFA - I'll check out your thread...i'm so sorry about what's happened..know that you are a wonderful good person and good things happen only if you are open to them and do what you want, be good to yourself.
Pearl - I hear you in some ways about your struggles...I know when I was w H there were often times when I kept wanted to see what else was out there, was there someone that was a better fit for me. I never knew if it was just my doubtful/questioning/overanalyzing personality, but I always felt a little trapped in the sense that i hadn't explored many other post-college relationships before getting married. And everyone has flaws.. but i think perhaps my continual questioning meant something. Who knows? I struggle with, when you find the right person do you just instinctually know it, or will I always have doubts? That's the perennial question... do others struggle w this as well? Or maybe I'll find another guy and it will feel so much different, as if it's more meant to be...or maybe not. Who knows? I hope I'll have a gut feeling about it somehow b.c one of my biggest fears if H and I do D is "am I going to always doubt if X guy is the right one?" You should just kind of know, shouldn't you?
Sorry for the long-winded thoughts this morning... Hugs to all, hhh
