Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
As you may know if you have read this thread my wife has ongoing medical issues. The current most important involves severe stomach pains, vomiting blood etc. We have no dianosis at this time. Since nothing will ease the pain without causing side effects that will worsen other conditions, a while ago I suggested she try smoking marijuana - I even got some for her. Neither of us had used illegal drugs in almost 20 years.
She has smoked it the odd time in the last year or so. Tuesday night she was really troubled and decided to smoke some. I wound up smoking with her. While it did relieve her pain (and make her a little stoned) it really made me stoned. Bottom line - my wife and I had sex for the first time in approx. 4 months. I absolutely initiated it and at first she was not interested, but then became a willing participant. However, after she wound up crying. That could have been from the drugs or ????. I tried to talk to her about it, but since I was still feeling the affects, I didn't think it was a good time to press at all. And in my state, was able to remember at least on db principle - not to talk when she does not want to.
Yesterday I had to leave home very early and we texted a couple times during the day. One of her texts said "no drugs for you". I think it was meant in a somewhat humorous way. Last night she seemed fine and was not rude to me or angry with me. In fact, she brought dinner home for me from the restaraunt she works in. She never brought up the subject, so either did I.
Tonight she will be out of town for work and Fridays we usually don't see each other until very late. So..we probably won't really see each other until Saturday.
My question is - do I bring this situation up at all or just take it for granted that we both know it was a "mistake" of sorts fueled by drug use?Do I wait for her to say something?
I think if it does come up, you should treat it as lightly as possible. You know, "Hey, no big deal -- it was fun, and I think it's good that we can still have fun together, despite everything that's happened. No expectations on my end."
Perfect Puppy...well almost. Since her crying would mean that at some point she didn't think it was fun, I might want to change it a little. But...definitely, keep it light and focus on the fact that we certainly still can have fun. I did make the "no expectations" comment that night. I may have been under the influence, but still kept some of my db principles.
"Hey, no big deal -- it was fun, and I think it's good that we can still have fun together, despite everything that's happened. Certainly no expectations on my end. I do worry about you sometimes, when you get upset, but I figure you'll talk to me about that when you feel comfortable. At least I hope you will."
Yesterday I had to leave home very early and we texted a couple times during the day. One of her texts said "no drugs for you". I think it was meant in a somewhat humorous way. Last night she seemed fine and was not rude to me or angry with me. In fact, she brought dinner home for me from the restaraunt she works in. She never brought up the subject, so either did I.
Leave it as is, I agree, she texted you about "no more drugs for you", it was her way of joking with you, adding some comedy to the event, she sees that it was funny and she sees how it happened, and I don't think she is angry with you. Don't focus on the words, focus on her actions, do you think she would be angry with you after something like that and bring dinner home to you? Since she never brought it up, leave it as, if she wants to talk about it, let her but only respond with answers, don't try to ask her about her feelings or anything like that, if she wants to open up to you, it's her choice to do so, don't force it out of her.
I'm no doctor, but it sounds like your wife could have a bleeding stomach ulcer.
She could have cried because sex is emotional for her. She could of cried because she doesn't want to feel a connection with you but she does. She could have cried because it was Wednesday. Who knows.
I'm a man . . . But I can change . . . If I have to . . . I guess . . .
