Question

[awest1217]

Good and bad this morning. H called to see if my new phone was working, it still is not receiving calls but the guy said it could take up to 48 hours to work. It was a rough morning with S because once again he would not sleep last night, and on top of that with us being out later I didn't get to do my normal things like take a shower so I had to do it this morning, and I had to get everything ready so S could go to my mom's so I can go to my counseling session. H asked what was wrong and I told him how I was not sleeping much again and how S was not sleeping well. He wants to say it is because S has another ear infection which he might, but I know it is because he misses daddy and is worried I will leave too, but can't express it. I listened which I am proud of, and even expressed how when he came home I complained because I never left the house on time. Last night I had a revelation that I was late because I was sleeping better because I did not have to be aware of everything to protect S because H was there to help. I told H and said it was a compliment because even with us not getting along well I still feel safer when he is there and able to sleep better. He told me about the books he is reading about decision making and I said I agree with everything and the books I am reading go along because he doesn't like making decisions because his parents always told him his decisions were wrong, then I came along and started to do the same thing. That is the controlling part I am working on. I need to listen more and talk less, but it was good to hear how he is enjoying learning how to deal with himself. He even said he would call sometime today or tomorrow (depending on time) to set up an appointment with a counselor. Then he said how he can't find DR in any of the bookstores here so he is going to check it out at the library like I did. I said ok I can give you the call number. He said no thanks I can find it myself, but I insisted.

Then I broke down crying because he said I was not helping him make decisions (I wasn't) by not letting him take care of his own problems. I do always flly in and fix everything because I want him to not hurt, but that ultimately hurts him. It bugged me and because of the morning I started to cry and said how I needed to get off the phone, which was good, but I didn't, which was bad. I said how I was upset because I feel like I am being punished, and how I want him to go to my class reunion and how I wanted to plan a weekend next weekend for all of us to go somewhere, but now he is not here and I have nothing to do because my brother was a brat so I can't go to TN. I said then I was sorry for breaking down. We both said have a good day and hung up. A few minutes later I text him to say i was sorry for the outburst, which I am, and that I am working on the controlling part, but it takes practice to get used to doing, and right now I am just realizing as soon as I do it which is a start, but next I will need to stop myself before I do it. He text back and said he wasn't upset and I shouldn't be sorry because I did nothing wrong. He said he is trying to get home asap.

I guess I just might have a success story after all, but no guarantees yet. I still need to keep working on me and hopefully he will be home to stay soon.