It's easier to give advise than follow it yourself isn't it?
Yep, and it confirmed that I really need to continue to seek advice from you guys. The "old way" didn't work for me so in order to get a "new way" I need to seek new information and do new things.
Thanks, Hope.
Thanks, Karen. I think you are right that I need to stop trying to protect my h from things. It is the communication about the "tough stuff" that will get us going I think. We communicate great about the other stuff.
He even said how for his bday he wants me to go out with him and wear "that really low cut top you have" and have fun together.
You know as I was reading your reply, I got to thinking, hmm, wonder if she does anything (dress differently [provacative]) to make herself wanted and saw this, so now I really have to ask
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
He even said how for his bday he wants me to go out with him and wear "that really low cut top you have" and have fun together.
You know as I was reading your reply, I got to thinking, hmm, wonder if she does anything (dress differently [provacative]) to make herself wanted and saw this, so now I really have to ask
I used to in the past and it didn't seem to work for me. But, then after talking about it recently actually, I found out that H really likes it when I do dress sexy. It surprised me because I didn't pick up on his liking it at all, but later he would comment on it.l So, note to self, start getting out of the sweats when he gets home from work. Also, we need to make more dates to go out so I have a reason to dress up., We don't go out together alone enough....babysitters are hard for us.
Yep, and it confirmed that I really need to continue to seek advice from you guys. The "old way" didn't work for me so in order to get a "new way" I need to seek new information and do new things
WDID,
I still think that when you voiced concerns about telling your H, the reactions you got from the boards were pretty evenly split between those people who's S's had had A's ,and those who had HAD the A. I thinks that does make a difference. Once you have been cheated on I believe that for most people, they need complete honesty, even if it may sting a bit.....and though you don't know me, I am so proud of what you did!!!
On the dressing sexy thing. You know, my H gets a real buzz out of thinking that other guys 'like' the way I look and dress- yet he's the one that gets to go home with me . I think they want to be proud of us!! I also try to make an effort now, on an every day basis, to get out of all my 'horsey' clothes and put a bit of make-up on for when my H gets home. I can see that he appreciates I have made the effort and it also makes me feel better about myself. I don't particularly dress 'sexy' for him on an average day, but I do try to look nice; it obviously is something that meant more to him than I thought.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Being on the forums as long as I have has taught me to try to really listen to what people say, and even if I disagree to reallllly think about it. I do know my h more than anyone on here, but what people say on here is not based upon what they know about my h, it is more objective. So, that can be good. A lot of points were made that became very valid as I thought about them....it wasn't just "you need to tell him because you cheated on him", although that is a good enough reason. Sometimes I just need to hear it being said in many ways and in a kind, supportive way. I knew that no matter what I would get support on here, and that made a difference, too. Really, this forum has been a godsend to me.
I never thought my h appreciated how I looked and dressed because he never showed or said anything. I remember past times wanting to get Victoria Secret stuff and him not being impressed and later telling me that it just didn't "do it for him". So, I just stopped trying with that. I think things are changing, though, and just because he said that some years ago, doesn't mean that is the way it is now. Just in this past year of reconnecting he HAS said more about those low cut tops of mine, or tight fitting tops, and my tall boots, or how he noticed some guy checkin me out.....ahhhh, how could I miss it?
Hoping nobody is looking in my direction. LOL.)
Thanks, Hope.
. I think they want to be proud of us!! I also try to make an effort now, on an every day basis, to get out of all my 'horsey' clothes and put a bit of make-up on for when my H gets home. I can see that he appreciates I have made the effort and it also makes me feel better about myself. I don't particularly dress 'sexy' for him on an average day, but I do try to look nice; it obviously is something that meant more to him than I thought.