If you're hanging on every word she says to someone else, you are NOT focusing on yourself. Let it go.
Trying hard to let go and it's just not working, if I'm honest.
P,
When we say "let it go," it DOESN'T mean you don't allow yourself to feel the sting. To do that is human, and it shows you still care, which is admirable. I assume you love your wife, very much.
"Let it go" means that you don't ACT on the sting -- you don't make DECISIONS from a place of being stung.
The stings never go away, I'll be honest. They'll LESSEN somewhat, but I don't think they ever go away. But you WILL learn to begin to operate from a more detached place, if you work at it.
