Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

If it is true that "love is a decision," then we have to recognize that, by symmetry, "not-love" is also a decision. It's binary - if it is appropriate for us to say, a twinge or more of hope in our voices, "Walkaway can decide to love," then we have to acknowledge, much as it might pain us to do so, "Walkaway can also choose not to love (us)."

And if "choosing" to love is a valid outcome, then it stands to reason that choosing not to love is equally valid - if undesirable from Left-Behind's POV. Reality is, after all, that which, when we choose not to believe in it, still doesn't go away.

So perhaps Mrs. T has indeed made a choice.

This is the point where I have gotten stuck for a long time. "Love is a decision" holds an inherent judgment. It implies, therefore that there is a correct and an incorrect choice. I have seen the "love is a decision" choice, and chosen to love, and then been exasperated, frustrated, become argumentative, etc when it is clear to me that she is making a decision herself, but in the opposite direction.

I keep wanting exclaim to her "It's so easy, just make the OTHER decision. Why can't you do it (too)."

I am finally starting to accept that she's not going to. Especially not under pressure from me. And if she doesn't, THAT IS HER CHOICE. She is free to make it.

So the question in my mind now is, what do I do? For me, I know the answer. I need to let go and move on. If she can't initiate the D process, then I will. The thought makes me feel happy, strong, peaceful, free.

Then, however, I look at my kids...and my heart sinks...and I am back where I started.