Can I save my marriage?

[TrentC]

And he offered to give me a back rub!!!! What???!!! This is not separation in my eyes...

The first thing then would be to establish some boundaries. Coach started a good thread on the topic here. If you're not comfortable with him showing you physical affection right now, politely decline his offer. No other explanation is needed other than "I appreciate the offer, but that's not necessary."

You need to start showing him that you're not going to be dependant on him emotionally. That will be the first clue to him that something is changing about the relationship. Livestrong.com has a good article on detachment as well.

Ugh..I need to practice this whole detachment thing I'm just scared to death.

This is natural. A lot of what is discussed in DB and DR is very counter-intuitive, but that's a large part of the reason that it works.

You mentioned that all of your friends are married? Try making plans for a "girls' night out" where you all go catch a movie, or go to a comedy club, or do something that is fun. They may enjoy the respite as much as you will.

As you start making plans, ask him if he will step up and watch the kids from time to time. You're not trying to dump them on him, but having him come over once or twice a week to keep an eye on them should not be unreasonable at all. And no, you don't owe him an explanation of where you're going or what you're doing. If he won't do it, then look into hiring a babysitter.

And don't know where to start and where to get the strength...

Are you a churchgoing person? If so, ask God to help you with this burden; that's what he is there for. I can suggest a few verses to mediate on.

The Serenity Prayer is a good one to start with. Another one is Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.