UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

Thank you ladeeeeeeez!

I may have learned how to DB a bit better but I still haven't brought any control back. H still hasn't emailed what day he is coming down and I'm certainly not going to ask him! It would not surprise me one little bit if he "changes his plans".

Been missing him quite badly today. As we approach the five month marker, I feel that it's a long time and the more water goes under the bridge, the less likely there will be a way back. I really want to say something to him which tells him that I am not ambivalent about our marriage - as I think that he now sees me. I think that he kind of feels that I have accepted that this is over. I've stopped pursuing (mostly!), no shouting, no screaming, no tempter tantrums, no anything ... just 'acceptance' and nothing else. I've given him stuff from the home, I've complied with so much that he wants. I've got a job and I've been financially supportive of him. He thinks that I am done ... I just don't know what to do next .... I don't want him to feel that way because as you know, I'm anything but done.

I know that this is supposed to be counter-intuitive - and it is! - but I feel that it's making my H dig his heels in even further. Yes, he's being nicer now, yes he's doing very slightly more than nothing .... but he's not doing anything terribly positive either when it's all boiled down. I don't want to keep on waiting ... I want to act.

Oh forgot to mention but no C appointments available for next Tuesday which means that I have to wait two weeks to go again. What am I going to do?? It's been a life-line to me this past ten weeks or so. Anyhow, using the opportunity to 'wean' me, C has said that it's a good idea to go 2 weekly now as I am making so much better progress! Only two weeks ago she was really worried about me because I had made no progress!! Ah well, mustn't grumble. I feel like I am starting to sound like a cracked record anyhow and I can't use her service for ever more just to have a sounding board once a week. That's what you guys are for!!