Hey BBJ, I think the book is right, limbo is more painful than the death of a relationship because it lingers .... My dad who is 79 and an uneducated Italian immigrant (who never held a self help book in his hands let alone read one) told me way back that what I was going through was like grieving a death. In this case, what complicated matters is that I needed to convince MYSELF that the marriage was dead. Otherwise, I would kill myself....slowly. At the time I was still hopefull and in the limbo state you find yourself in (incidentally in spite of appearances, I still do not consider myself all the way back to normal....some might call it growth, maybe it is). Actually, we call it limbo but we are really at the mercy of THEIR decision. Until something happens inside and we say F#CK THIS! I do not need this Sh!T anymore, we just float. Later ... much later I had another "Eff this" moment and decided it was time to date and so it goes. But none of it is possible until you believe that your marriage is dead. That is not easy to do when you have your spouse in your face almost on a daily basis (like I did when I was still at home and to a lesser extent later on). Today, in order to protect myself, I avoid as much contact as possibe. I also talk to myself on a regular basis and it helps alot to be told that you are a good, a great person by the people around you (including the ex incidentally). So why am I rambling on....no, not because I had too much vino but because of all the people that I followed on these boards, you BBJ would benefit the most from starting a new life with a normal partner. I also think that your kids would benefit from seeing their mom happy. I am not saying that your kids will not be or have not been affected by what is going on. I think we can minimize the effects by showing them that we are strong and happy. So, I feel your pain and I have been there BBJ and as always .... I AM PULLING FOR YOU BBJ!!!
