I have been reading through Stosny's "Love Without Hurt."
I found the whole book to be pretty interesting, but in the Appendix, I found a short gem...
"Unequal Investment of Love"
"...Happens when women marry men they don't really love, but who very much love them...This is a formula for disaster if she's also addicted to blame"
In essence, he loves her. She feels guilty for not loving him as much. Her guilt becomes resentment. She blames him for everything and anything to explain away her guilt. Her blame and guilt ride her and turn into criticism of him.
...pretty much describes the dynamic I have been in for a while. Mrs. T has even recognized and talked about the guilt she feels (and how she can't stay in a R just due to guilt).
Not sure if the dynamic has always been there in our R, or has only appeared in the past few years (I think it appeared in the past few years after the death of her father), but it is sure there now.
Stosny doesn't offer any real solutions except to offer the man "I guess then you'll have to leave her" and to offer the woman the advice to look for and try to heal the real sources of the guilt.
Last edited by Thinker; 10/22/0903:24 AM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
