Getting Un"Stuck" - Giving My Burden to God

[courts0818]

Hey Stuck, I've only got a minute. Just wanted to say that I pray for everyone on this board and their families. Sounds like you are doing well, but I know it's very hard when little ones are involved. Hang in there. You sould like an awesome dad!

[tristan]

Hi Stuck,

When I read through your items, you sound a little needy. I would suggest dropping a lot of the contact and take care of your daughters the best you can without her involvement. By the way, my girls are 6 & 3; they are such a blessing.

Take care.

[MrBond]

courts0818,

Thanks so much for the prayers. I'm definitely sure they hope. Yes kids are a blessing and I just feel sorry that they are being yanked back and forth like this.

I've also been praying for you and others. With faith we'll all get what we require.

[MrBond]

tristan,

Thanks for chiming in. I wouldn't say it's needy I just say I miss my kids. Thing is that ever since my W dropped the bomb, she's been more emotionally distant with them also. I've tried to tell her, but I don't think she knows how to cope. It's like talking to a child who has their hands over their ears when you're talking to them.

Sad part is that they are the biggest casualty in all this and as a parent I wouldn't want them to experience any type of pain. Too bad their mom doesn't see it the same way.

[tristan]

tristan,

Thanks for chiming in. I wouldn't say it's needy I just say I miss my kids. Thing is that ever since my W dropped the bomb, she's been more emotionally distant with them also. I've tried to tell her, but I don't think she knows how to cope. It's like talking to a child who has their hands over their ears when you're talking to them.

Sad part is that they are the biggest casualty in all this and as a parent I wouldn't want them to experience any type of pain. Too bad their mom doesn't see it the same way.

I do understand how you feel. But, like you said, she is not responding to your requests. I suspect it may feel like pursuing to her. I am not saying it is logical.

You do not need to tell her how she is hurting the children. She will eventually see it herself. The 6 yr old will probably straight out tell her. What you can do is be the best parent possible, given the circumstances. Lead by example.

Take care.

[MrBond]

Thanks tristan.

In this case I wasn't telling her that she was hurting the kids to make her feel guilty. That was wayyy in the beginning of all this.

This time I was telling her so that she would hopefully talk to them about it or at the very least let them hear that she wasn't going to leave their lives. Her mom and dad split when she was 6 and the dad took off without coming back. Till this day, she's had resentment for his being the one to leave and even now when he's dead, she refuses to visit his grave.

I told her I didn't want the girls to react to her the same way. Whether or not she listened, who knows? I know they ain't gonna resent me. : )

I've been out for awhile. I'll try catching up on your sitch.

[tristan]

Till this day, she's had resentment for his being the one to leave and even now when he's dead, she refuses to visit his grave.

I told her I didn't want the girls to react to her the same way.

You may not be trying to guilt her, but can you see how she may take it that way? In any case, you are trying to fix her. I don't think that will help.

[MrBond]

You may be right. I have been avoiding all R talks so I'll see how that goes.

This weekend was okay, we went out on Saturday to see my D's soccer game and took my youngest to Gymboree. Afterwards we left her back at her sister's place and I took my kids to my parent's place while I went out to a friend's wedding at night. She told me previously she didn't want to go.

Well when she called that night to say goodnight to my Ds, I told her where they were and to call them at my parent's place. I also slipped in the idea that I had a date with me. She was definitely not happy. She argued that she should have had the right to have the kids stay with her since I went out. For some reason I apologized and said that it was because my parents made plans to play with them and told her I had to go.

After a few minutes, I thought about it and thought that she was out of line. When the kids are with me, I can do whatever the heck I wanted to with them. The last time when she moved out, she did the same thing and made it seem like I was "controlling" the situation. I called her back and told her that I was sorry that she felt bad that the kids weren't with her, but that this was her decision to live this way. I told her that for the past year I've done nothing but treat her with love and respect and that she should stop trying to control the situation. All this is HER choice.

Then I hung up. Very different than how I acted to her before. I did feel empowered, and I'll see if that made any difference. Like MWD says, do something different.

[MrBond]

Journaling:

So on Sunday we pick up my W to go to the pumpkin patch and she's already in a bad mood. I think she's still stewing over the comment I made about her choosing this life. She didn't say anything though.

Overall we had fun although it was hot, hot, hot! We were all exhausted at the end of it. Just to test out the waters, I made sure to put my arm around her every now and then and to touch her here and there. Not sexually, just friendly. She didn't flinch.

That night we dropped her off back at her sister's and when she called to say goodnight, she sounded grouchy again. When we were together, I asked if she had gone out Saturday, she just kind of growled out a 'no'. Funny thing. I am so much more happier now and she's the one staying angry. Still no calls from her though to me personally. She really is deep in MLC.

Well, I'm going to enjoy dinner with my girls tonight and their company tomorrow too before I hand them over to the alien. I also have a get-together with a lady friend when I don't have them, so I'm keeping busy.

I also picked up a bunch of musically hypnotic CDs to help build creativity and help with sleep. They've actually been pretty good. Don't want to have to rely on drugs.

[Gardener]

Stuck, you're doing great! Comgrats.

I also picked up a bunch of musically hypnotic CDs to help build creativity and help with sleep. They've actually been pretty good. Don't want to have to rely on drugs.

They wouldn't happen to be Dr. Jeffrey Thompson's would they? I discovered him recently and as an avid meditator I'm amazed at his many different cd's for quickly inducing Alpha, Theta, Delta or Gamma brain wavelengths,