Detachment

[TrentC]

I am not even strong enough mentality cos of my depression, so I really don't know how I can be stable.

Are you seeing a professional about depression? If not, find someone ASAP.

I have been mentally and physically drained and have no energy to move on with life. Is that what they want from us?

I can't speak for your spouse, but generally speaking, no. Many times, they think they want to leave us because they convince themselves that the circumstances that they want to leave is caused by us. That's why DB and DR talk about getting a life and doing 180's -- by changing ourselves for ourselves, we change the circumstances of the relationship.

My H told me this morning that he wants the family and I told him I will not allow him seeing another woman if he chose this path.

Honestly? That kind of an ultimatum will never work. One of the things that everyone here has to struggle at first with is the fact that you cannot control your spouse. Trying to control their behavior or push them to reconcile, end an affair, etc. will not work because they are already resisting being with you in the first place; all you are doing is giving them more incentive to go.

Moments ago, I have planned to end my life but moments now, I planned to rescue myself and I want to punish him.

If you are considering thoughts of suicide, you need to get up from your computer right now and seek professional help.

Irregardless whether he repent or not, it doesn't mean anything to me cos he is the one forcing me to dead end.

No, he is not. He is responsible for his actions and reactions, and so are you. By reacting in this way, you are giving him what he wants; an angry, bitter spouse to run away from.

I want to stand firm and show him I can be strong without him and when the time he wants my forgiveness, he will not get it. I want him to know what is it like to go through this pain. He needs to learn his lesson.

Do you want to preserve this relationship or not? Because that is not the way to go about it.

And much of the advice people here have to offer is going to be of limited use because this site is about changing the course of a marriage that is heading towards divorce, not punishing wayward spouses.

I would find a copy of The Divorce Remedy and read it. Think through what you really want -- saving your marriage or ending it -- and set your goals accordingly.