I am wondering if there is any value in confronting the OM with the fact that I know. Unfortunately, all three of us work at the same company, what a completely messed up situation this is. Even if my W separates, I will get the joy of seeing her at work all of the time.
-HBH
yeah you can confront him after you've spoken to your wife.
Not only that, after speaking with your wife, tell her you're going to go to HR and let them know what's happening, alot of workplaces frown upon "employee relations" of that nature because when they go south (and they almost all invariably do at some point), work performance is affected plus if they're having an affair, they're most likely spending time at work messing around with each other is some form or fashion.
Having an affair is disrespecting you. I consider cheating a form of abuse.
If she is willing to break your trust by having an affair, you're willing to blow the whistle on the two of them not only to HR but to everyone.
"...I'm not going to be the only one uncomfortable at work now that I know about this affair"
"Stop the affair right now, I won't have an open relationship and share you with another man, and I won't be your second choice, if you choose him, I'm letting you know RIGHT NOW I'm not waiting around for you - we are done and you are out of our home ASAP" and then very important, before she says anything, you turn your back on her and walk away.
She can follow you for the rebuttal and if she does, you tell her
"STOP! This isn't up for discussion, I've told you what's going to happen, I've made the decision, I'm taking control of this situation now. You can either work on our marriage, come clean, be honest about everything and why you felt the need to have an affair, offer full transparency for whatever's happened, because I want to know everything, otherwise have a nice life and I will do the same - When you go home, pack your things and move in with the OM (or I will pack for you, no problem!)"
I've been thinking about this for quite some time now, we usually hear about these issues when the person has been a LBS for quite some time, discovered the affair and has been pursuing their spouse for quite some time without any success.
It would be nice to turn this around just as it's starting, instead of becoming the LBS, you become the WAS that you're wife is becoming. You become the first one to leave, no pursuing, you pack her things and kick her out and you start dating and enjoying your free life.
It's counter-intuitive to what most WAS's would expect to experience. They would expect their spouses to be lost & heartbroken, they feel they have alot of power when they make the decision to have an affair.
Turn this around, become the WAS.
I want to hear more about what you found out, the extent of the affair, what have they done, who else knows, how did you find out, did someone clue you in, how long has it been going on?
