My life has fallen down around me before, -lots of times, for lots of reasons- usually other people.
And most of the time I was fortunate enough To have a large lump of That life hit me on the Head and render me numb To the pain and desolation that followed. And I survived. And I live to love again.
But this, This slow erosion from below --or within-- It's me falling down around my life Because you're still in that life --but not really. And you're out of that life --but not quite.
I do alright alone, And better together, but I do very poorly when semi- together.
In solitude I do much, In love I do more, but in doubt I only transfer pain to paper in gigantic Passion Plays complete with miracles and martyrs and crucifixions and resurrections.
Come to stay or Stay away
This series of passion poems is becoming a heavy cross to bare*
*(pun intended)
This came from the book "How to Survive the Loss of a Love", in the section on "Limbo Losses"...of how limbo can be more painful than the death of a relationship...
Haven't bought the book but found it on Amazon and read a few pages on-line. May have to get it.
I am not married. I don't have a husband. I have the father of my children who used to be my husband. As long as I can think this way and act this way and make decisions this way, I can only get better and stronger. I cannot let doubt or fear or disappointment or pitiful hope control me any more.
I need to work when I am at work, play when I am at play, sleep when I should be sleeping, etc. etc. I have carried the monkey on my back too long and it has become some kind of giant ape; if I keep trying to carry it I will get crushed!
Working on true, lasting detachment. So glad he is gone to Canada and going to Asia. Less seen, easier done...
