What to do, what to do?

[pearlharbr]

To add to my mysteriousness or is it total deception? I think I'm going to buy myself some roses tomorrow and put them in a vase on the kitchen table. I never buy fresh cut flowers...ever...and why not roses! Ha. Is that bad?

I think it's a great idea. I did it myself to good effect. BF was definitely curious when he saw the flowers in the kitchen. And I do buy flowers for myself from time to time, but BF was still convinced they were from another man. He never asked me who they were from so I didn't have to come up with a story. I think a good response would be that they're from someone who wanted to brighten up your day.

[LuLu]

I think a good response would be that they're from someone who wanted to brighten up your day

Oh, PH, I like the way you think!! I see you're piecing so I'm taking your advice. Flowers it is!

[pearlharbr]

Well, I'm in piecing but it's not all roses. [pun intended]

I can't say that I'm here strictly because of my actions but things did turn around when I went completely dark and BF thought I was completely done (which I was).

[PainfulDusk]

((LuLu)) thx for checking up on me. =) I see you had a dream that affected you too.

Flowers! I did that for myself even tho my h is out of the country atm, it made a world of difference even in my situation. Just really cheered me up. You have the added benefit that he will see them. I love it! and its not deception, as long as it DOES cheer you up, after all, its for YOU anyway right? How he takes it is on him

Dusk

[courts0818]

Oh yeah...you've been feeling down, so a beautiful vase of fresh roses is just what the doctor ordered. Yep, put them right on the kitchen table and let H see them, wonder and start to freak out a little. I think it's a good idea. Last year for my bday my mom bought me flowers and I remember my H asking where they came from. It's a good plan.

Let me know how it works. ...Someone might want to send me some flowers too. : )

[LuLu]

Haha, H just asked me if I had a hot date this weekend. I have no idea where he got this from but I just replied, Yep. This is going to go perfect with my roses, haha. We'll see what he says on Saturday.

[LuLu]

Ughhh. I need a 2x4. Bad couple of days that I'm trying to redeem myself from.

We had family day at the fair on Sunday. The ride there was not so good. Something came up, oh yeah, stepdad and mom talk about how they don't want to be around H. It was a little weird, probably said too much. At one point, H said in a not so positive way, "So, what? You want me to move back in?" I guess it was his tone because I knew this was a lose lose question, I replied no, not yet and that we would need some marriage counseling and IC. I told him that I couldn't do OW#3.

H: I can't go back to how it was. I'm afraid if we do, that we will fight like we were
M: Things got hard quick for us, we went from 0 to 2 kids quick and it was a huge adjustment for us (we adopted a 2 yr old when I was 28 weeks pregnant)
H: Don't blame this on the kids. It's not about them.
M: Our problems weren't any worse than other people with small children. We weren't dealing with any other major issues we were just going through a tough time adjusting to parenthood/marriage. Why didn't you just sit me down and tell me how bad you felt. Or how about marriage counseling or telling me look, I'm not happy and I'm going to divorce you if we don't fix this.
H: There was no talking to you.
M: So it was easier to take it to a third person?
H: W, there was no telling you otherwise.
M: You didn't try. So you're saying if I screwed somebody else it would have been okay?
H: No.
H: You weren't nice to me
M: I will accept half of the problems with the marriage. Yes. The affair is yours and you need to take responsibility for it.


Ummm, check please!! DB'ing done! haha. I told you it was bad.

Later on that day, conversation comes up that H thinks I'm dating. I didn't deny it. I'm not dating at all, not even a little. He says that changes everything! I say, dating has a pretty wide definition. I know this was bad but he pissed me off!

Today, my mom asks if she can keep the girls overnight some time. I mention this to H and ask him if he wants to go to the comedy club that night.

What the hell is wrong with me?

[LuLu]

Then later in the day, I changed the day of the our dd's sleepover. I sent him an email saying that I thought about what he said yesterday (pretty vague) and that he didn't have to respond to the comedy club invite. He came by to see the girls tonight and I didn't/he didn't bring it up.

Someone help me fix this mess, please.

[LuLu]

It's interesting to read this after writing it. I think I probably could have just said, I understand that's how you feel and just acknowledged him. I tried to turn it around on him and asked him, what do you want to do? He got a bit pissy and asked me again if he should move back in. At one point I told him I wouldn't beg for him to come back.

I really had no idea he was still blame shifting and what not so that was eye-opening. The invite was a bad idea, this I know.

I just need to go dark a bit. I think I have been way too available and chatty!!

[pearlharbr]

Take some deep breaths!

It wasn't the best day but put it aside and move forward. Stop bringing it up. Stop and think before responding.

Pulling back is a good idea. No initiating contact and get back to focusing on yourself.