Just want my H back

[pearlharbr]

Of course everyone has setbacks. I had plenty! Sorry if I come across as hard, I just know that you are strong and you will make it through this so I want to keep you on that path.

I was the same way with being in limbo. At first my position was that if he wanted out then it was up to him to do it, I was not going to make things easier for him because that's exactly what he wanted. When I had my aha moment and decided to throw his sorry ass out, I just realized I had enough. If he wanted to be with OW and was too much of a coward to act on it then I would be the one to man up and kick him out. And I told him exactly that which felt fantastic . So it's something you'll have to decide for yourself. Can you truly detach without moving the paperwork forward? If so, great. If not, you'll know when you've had enough and just want to get it over with.

Yes, the distraction of another person being interested in you can do wonders for your self esteem and also be damaging if you throw yourself into another R before you're ready. It is nice knowing that there are other men out there who will appreciate you and want to be with you. In fact that's one of my biggest problems right now, struggling with that realization and wondering if BF is still the best option for me. Do be careful when starting to date but definitely start to date!

I agree with LFA re: your disapproving gf. I have one of those too. I know she just wants what is best for me but she has never been in a serious R so she has no idea of the dynamics and challenges involved. Don't let her lecture you. Tell her that you appreciate her love and support but you will not let her judge you or your actions.

Definitely go to the lawyers. Don't put your head in the sand on this issue. You don't want to be caught unaware. If I remember correctly, you make considerably more $ than your H and I don't want to see him take you to the cleaners. Protect yourself! I think one of the advantages to paying an inital consultation fee was that then you are considered a client and your H cannot retain that L because there would be a conflict. Not sure if that's true for your state so check into it. May be a good defensive move that would cost a few hundred up front but possibly save much more in the long run.

If you want to stay on the east coast for you then by all means stay. I was asking because before you said you would definitely move back to CA if things with your H didn't work out. I think at this point it's better to make decisions based on what you want and not let H enter the equation. Right now he's gone and out of your life. If he decides to work on the M and if you decide that's what you want then you make decisions based on the two of you.

Whew, that was longer than I intended! Hope you are having a good week so far. Do you have fun Halloween plans?