- Do you have ticket? "Why are you asking so many questions? Why do you need to concern yourself with any of these details?? Stop being so nosey!"
, and would always thrown in a "and it's very unattractive." Works EXTREMELY well with men, but it does also work with women. It's a very powerful word.
- Do you have ticket? "Why are you asking so many questions? Why do you need to concern yourself with any of these details?? Stop being so nosey!"
, and would always thrown in a "and it's very unattractive." Works EXTREMELY well with men, but it does also work with women. It's a very powerful word.
Puppy
I'm just following your example PDT ;-)
as for using "unattractive" when talking to his wife, it works better on women than it does on men, women know that for most men, physical attraction is primary, telling her she's unattractive when she acts crappy would work wonders, I know it does - I've used it a few times myself ;-)
- Do you have ticket? "Why are you asking so many questions? Why do you need to concern yourself with any of these details?? Stop being so nosey!"
, and would always thrown in a "and it's very unattractive." Works EXTREMELY well with men, but it does also work with women. It's a very powerful word.
Puppy
I'm just following your example PDT ;-)
as for using "unattractive" when talking to his wife, it works better on women than it does on men, women know that for most men, physical attraction is primary, telling her she's unattractive when she acts crappy would work wonders, I know it does - I've used it a few times myself ;-)
adding it to the playbook.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I just finished grilling burgers and cleaning up from dinner. W has already Made plans for this saturday and next saturday after the kids go out for Halloween. I'm tired of being the BB sitter. I plan on going out this sunday, next friday and saturday if I can get a sitter. I also plan on following up on the technical advice I received from Puppy. Time to take the mask off of this and move forward.
JJ
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
I just finished grilling burgers and cleaning up from dinner. W has already Made plans for this saturday and next saturday after the kids go out for Halloween. I'm tired of being the BB sitter. I plan on going out this sunday, next friday and saturday if I can get a sitter. I also plan on following up on the technical advice I received from Puppy. Time to take the mask off of this and move forward.
JJ
So what are you going to do about that?
Why are you the default baby sitter?
I'm going to correct you as a side note, if they're your kids, it's not called baby sitting, it's called being a parent - remember that. Other people can baby sit for you, when it's you doing it, you're just parenting and watching your children.
Why is getting a sitter your responsibility.
I know pushing back against someone who regularly runs over you is uncomfortable but it isn't going to get any easier until you start doing it.
I remember being a doormat, it sucked. I remember being a wuss and my wife disrespecting me, it sucked, "why does she treat me this way, doesn't she realize that she's hurting my feelings? I don't understand it, isn't she supposed to love me?"
No love without respect, and your wife doesn't respect you.
She can only respect you when you start to respect yourself.
Respecting yourself takes alot of courage for people who have never done that actively before.
But just because it's scary doesn't mean you don't do it.
Here's your 180 for today, you know which days your wife is going to be out of the house, tell her to arrange for a baby sitter because you won't be home on those days either. In fact you will plan to leave the home before she does on those specific days.
No excuses, just do it.
No "but I can't....", just do it.
You can do it, turn that thought into action.
Take back your life. Respect yourself enough to let go of the people that don't respect you or the relationship they have with you, if I have to I'm going to ram this into anyone's brain on this forum that needs to learn this, you have to get this point and understand it and the power you have by doing this, power you have that isn't being utilized.
I won't go through the whole situation but in the beginning of our separation my wife was extremely mean to me, took advantage of me, hurt me, said the meanest things, everything she could to knock me off my feet and I tell you it felt like the end of my world.
Until one day I reached my threshold of tolerance, something changed, like a switch had finally been flicked, a light went on that said "she's never going to change, she's always going to be mean and I'm tired of it, I don't want this anymore"
"I've had enough"
I took anything mean she told me and did to me and I returned it.
It's been a long road, we're not reconciled but my life is so much better now.
She is pursuing me, I wouldn't be honest if I didn't tell you it felt good. I'm not mean to her, I could be if I wanted, she certainly threw enough fuel into the fire to allow for that & then some.
She texts me regularly, last weekend I was out with some friends, shooting some stick, she's messaging me, it was near perfect, I would text her back between shots and she was sending 5-10 texts for every 1 that I sent back.
Wife: "are you still there?" "talk to me" "hello?" "do you miss me?" "I miss you rob"
Me: "you miss me? why would you miss me?" "didn't you say before that our marriage was a waste, 20 years of crap?" "didn't you call me a 3rd arm, something you didn't need"
Wife: "yes I said those things, I was angry" "I miss you very much" "do you think about me" "are you still there" "are you out with friends?" "who are you out with?" "I know you're out, I said who are you out with?" "sounds like you're having fun, maybe I should let you go"
Me: "yup"
wife: "yup to what?" "are you too busy?" "you're always busy, you're always going out & having fun" "hello? are you still there?" "rob please talk to me" "I don't like it when you don't reply" "what's taking so long?"
Me: "my turn, took a while" "that's not true, I have the kids most of the time, those rare weekends when you do take them, I like to make the most of my free time and enjoy life"
wife: "enjoy life without me?" "is that what you're saying?" "we had fun, it wasn't all bad, we had alot of good times" "I wish we had more good times" "hello are you still there?" "talk to me please" "rob?"
me: "I'm still here, hard to text & play pool at the same time"
The texts go on & on for another hour or more, she starts to even talk about sex, asking me if I miss her that way, if I ever dream about her, she misses me and being intimate with me that way, etc.
I recently made another decision last week and she got mad last week (big surprise) when I told her that she had it too easy with me having the kids 80-90% of the time, we would start sharing them 1 week each, monday to sunday. That way I could enjoy a personal life as well and she needed to step up as a parent, be involved, she's their mother, kids need both parents to be actively involved in parenting, a mom & a dad and she needed to start doing this. She told me I was controlling her, why did I get to determine that she had to take the kids for an entire 7 days at a time, what about her work? (she works part-time and she now lives with her parents, I packed her things and put them in her van for her). This isn't fair that you get to make the decisions, etc. etc. etc. I told her it isn't fair to the kids that she can only take them when it's convenient for her: it's disrespectful to me & the kids and I don't want to hear any nonsense about this anymore.
When you stand up for yourself, really stand up for yourself and set boundaries and make decisions for your own life and stop letting others dictate & control your life, things change, they can't NOT change.
It was scary for me at first, hardest thing I've ever done and also the most rewarding.
You need to start standing up for yourself, "No more Mr.Nice Guy!"
I appreciate the advice. I was phsically and verbally abusive to her in the past. Does this all still apply. Can I still set boundries? I'm tired of being trampled on. If I stand up she will ask me to divorce her. This is not easy.
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
