I miss H tonight, I haven't missed him in awhile, or maybe I haven't let myself miss him.
How come inside I feel like I am now waiting for H to come back? I feel like he's been testing the waters the last couple of weeks. I think he's really thinking about coming back although he hasn't said a word either way.
Why? Because there is no reason why he shouldn't come back. I know he's still in MLC, but maybe he at the stage where he's coming out of the tunnel as they call it. Maybe last night I scared him back into the tunnel, I don't know, but I know he couldn't believe it when I told him not to come back if he was going to call me names. And that was the only reason that I told him not to come back..the look on his face was something I just can't describe or put a finger on right now. Usually when he's mad he slams the door, throws stuff into the house, but he didn't do that last night.
I'm getting so tired of the mind games, I want to just be real honest with him from now on...I've acted as if for so long it's me now. Is that good? Is six months for long enough for changes to take place and hold? I know I'll have to work on things, as witnessed last night, things like really listening, etc.
I also feel like he needs to decide to come back here for things to go forward and for the real changes to take place.
