I agree with everything Ian mentions. You cant compromise on any of those points.
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my L tells me that HER L tells her that she plans to quit working and go to school full time
I heard this with my brothers wife when he was going through a divorce and with mine too. Neither ever went to school. It is a ploy so they can get alimony for re-training.
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It is clear that we, as men, get shafted when it comes to parenting time.
Yes, it does happen, but dont think about that now. You have to have optimism that you are going to get fair custody time. I did not get shafted custody wise (a little shaft on the financial end), and remember, I was the one to file just like you.
Based upon their crappy offer, I think you are headed to court to have this thing settled. I am sorry that this is dragging on so long for you.
Her proposal is totally unacceptable. If your lawyer is advising you to take it then you will live to regret it, and you have the wrong lawyer.
The compromise position is equal placement. You should try for more. Your kids deserve both parents and if they do not spend overnights then you will be nothing but a visitor.
You are a doctor so that means no overnights?
You need to adjust your schedule. The kids come first my friend. Make it clear that you cannot pull ER on certain nights. If that is not acceptable at the hospital, find an alternate medical field.
If she plans to quit work that is not your problem. If fact that is a common threat - the judge can force her to work.
You are in the home stretch. Compromise now and you will die inside. Trust me here, I get 40% and I am sick about it, even though I get every other weekend and half the summer and half the holidays and schoiol breaks - or 50% of the time they are not in school. Sick about it.
Thanks all. I pulled myself up by my britches. My L is on top of things and countered all of those.
I wrote a letter 2 days after to my L. I requested: -a midweek sleepover -instead of taking the kids to her on Sunday night, to deliver them to the bus or school on Monday AM -whether something can be written about being able to pick up and drop off at sports events if I coach his team -ability to be at and participate in extracurricular activiites, sports, etc
My L is on top of things. She picked up some great stuff (eg, that as I stay in the house until it's sold, I should get a credit for paying down the mortgage and increasing the equity). She reworded a lot of stuff (eg, from a income review every 2 years to a COST OF LIVING increase every 2 years...big difference in verbiage).
I'm sure my W is going to fight all of this and I can't argue with Kerry's comment about this going to trial. I don't want to, can't afford it financially but I can't afford to lose time with my kids at this age.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Your kids won't be this young forever. The decisions you are making now will stay with you for a long time. Even if it's difficult to make it so that you can have an equal number of days and nights now, eventually they will be able to be by themselves should you get a call.
In my opinion, there is no more important/significant settlement issue than custody/visitation, and all it's surrounding issues. Summer vacations, holidays, birthdays, decisions on things like camps, sports to play or not play. Given your wife's refusal to co-parent so far, all the more important that as much of these things as possible be well defined in your agreement.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I am sitting next to my daughter in the ER. She seized again...103 plus fever. She is heavily sedated. I was notified by school....to follow. Stresses. W tearing me a second AH re, D on the way to the ERm FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Tell her to STFU and doesn't she see that her F-ing actions are causing this stress in your D? Ask if if she want's to be responsible for her death or her life? Stop holding back man.
