I did leave a voicemail for my H last night saying I was sorry for acting like a jerk and that he's always welcome here. When I want to say I'm sorry I need to do it right away. If I wait too long then I don't say it, I feel that I have to do apologize right away and with the situation we're in voicemail is the only way.
I will bring it up again tomorrow something like this:
H did you get my message? I'm sorry for not letting the mail thing drop. It hurts my feelings and makes me feeling like a bad person when you say "don't open MY mail" I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty, but so you know why I reacted the way I did. I'm sorry.
I didn't focus on him either, I was more worried about what I was going to say when he said something. I just don't listen to him, I have to get my two cents in, and my big mouth gets me in trouble, like it used to. Maybe I'm trying hard, trying to act like "I don't care" rather than "act as if" I'm struggling here.....or maybe I'm beating myself up over something that really wasn't that big of a deal, but it is in my head.
I wanted to ask, do people feel it's better to apologize in person or is it okay to leave a voicemail? Or, is it different for everybody? Or should I being asking H?
One more thing, H has a big problem with me chaning my mind all the time. I made plans to visit a friend today, but now I don't feel like going, it's an hour drive and there are things I'd like to do around here. So H asked me last night if I was going and I said "I don't know" and he did what he usually does, "geeeeez" really long and drawn out...so I feel like I can't change my mind. Why can't I? He does all the time, or he waits till the very last minute to commit but has a huge problem with me changing my mind and then I feel bad, I feel like I have to go. My gf will understand, she might not like it, but she'll understand.
Yesterday my H and sons were putting up treestands all day and I felt left out, I guess I'm realizing I'd rather be with them than sitting here by myself. I also remember at one point feeling like my mom, my dad and bros used to all go hunting and my mom would sit at home waiting for them to come back, make the meal, serve them, etc. I don't want to be like that I'd rather be a part of the action rather than the one sitting at home.
