Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Was thinking more about showing appreciation. Last night I was telling my group at my marriage rebuilders class that I'm having problems even saying thank you when W does something nice -- like having all of the kids stuff ready to go when I pick them up.

I'm just so angry. It's like I read in another post, all or nothing. Friends isn't a possibility right now.

But that's counterproductive.

I was thinking today that if I pick my kids up from a neighbor's house or a friend gives me a ride, I thank them. That's just common courtesy. So perhaps it's just a matter of how I view my W now. I'm going to try to not view her as someone who has rejected me and turned my life upside down but instead as essentially the caretaker of my children, which gives me the chance to pursue other ventures -- writing and publishing a book, excelling at work, finding a more compatible partner, rebuilding my finances.

In that light, I'm grateful for all the help I get from her.

The financial stuff has been hard today. I need a tooth implant and it's not covered by our insurance. So it's going to cost $2,300. My W has had three -- she had dental issues going back to childhood because her parents went cheap on their dentists. Each time I found a way to pay for them without having to go into debt.

This time? No way around it. I'll have to borrow money to pay for it. I'm not happy about it. But that's life.