I went dark..black in fact for over 2 months, doesn't sound like very long, but with me and my XH it is a long time.
He did something really mean to my kids and they wanted nothing to do with him for that time and so I just left him alone. He would try to call D10 and she would talk to him sometimes but mostly she would just not answer. My D16 almost 17, really doesn't talk to him much at all, she is very, very angry with him, she is in threapy. S14 talks football with him and that is about it, but really didn't talk to him at all during this time. I didn't text him updates on the kids, nothing! He knew he had hurt them!!
Just a short story of what happened...kids were with him for their summer visitation. They all told him several times that they didn't want to meet OW, hear about OW..nothing. My D10's therapist called XH and told him the only way D10 could handle it is in a therapist's office, XH has no therapist for D10 down there!! So, on the day that was exactly 1 year since he moved out, also the day after my B-day, my S14 calls me and says "Dad is trying to do something and I think in involves OW, I think we are going to meet her for dinner" Once again being the fool I am and believeing XH would at least respect his kids wishes told S14 that I was sure he wouldn't do that.
Well, within minutes my phone is ringing off the hook with D16 and S14 calling me at the same time. S14 tells me that OW showed up at our house (I still own the house!!)with no warning from XH, so he took off out the back door and was running to the tennis courts, D16 tells me D10 is freaking out screaming and crying and ran to my neighbor and wonderful friend. XH goes and drags D10 with force home, she runs and locks her self in a closet, comes out and runs back to N, again XH goes and drags her home. While this very intense scene is playing out in my front yard OW is first sitting in my living room, then goes and stands by her car, as XH is dealing with getting D10, he is making a huge scene on the front yard, he is yelling "your mother will not win..you will do what I tell you to do, etc." D10 breaks free and N is outside, so she runs to N and N tells XH to back off and let her calm D10 down (OW leaves at this point, but not before approaching D16 and asking "can I have a word" D16 looked at her said "no" and walked away). XH tells N she has 10 minutes to calm down D10, N says that is not long enough, XH says he will call the police, N says go ahead after what I saw you do to D10 I would love to tell them!! N is very reserved and hates confrontation, so this was huge for her, her H was so proud. Anyway, when D16 and S14 are back inside upstairs talking about everything on the phone to me, XH runs up the stairs saying "I guess you guys don't love me as much as I love you" and slams the door to our bedroom. He is nuts!! So, S14 goes and tells XH that he disrespected them and that they never wanted to come back, told him that he had lost the only people left in his life who love him, we told you we didn't want to meet her and you did that, we are not coming back, etc. So, at this time S14 is more of a man than XH!! XH tells D16 and S14 that they do have to come back and that they have no say in it, goes and gets a copy of our divorce and gives it to S14 to read!! And, trust me that is the short version!! It was a mess!! The funny part is S14 calls me and says "Mom, I read the whole divorce...Dad is in contempt of court for a lot of stuff!!" I said "yep, but it would cost me more to take him back to court than it is worth, but if you want to cut off visitation I will go back to court and you can tell the judge that" I then told both S14 and D16 that I really hoped they wouldn't want to do that because XH loves them and is just having a rough time right now" But, I called XH and told him I would never have a real conversation with him ever again after what he pulled and hung up, that is when I went black...and he could have cared less, he has OW and he thinks that is all he needs. We started talking again before he came up here due to serious stuff with D16. So, I know that was an event that make me go dark, but I did it. Before that XH and I barley went a week without talking about something, even if it was just the kids.
Thanks for the advice on the distance thing, I think you are right, he will see or hear them if he wants to and if not I am a better person for ME!!
I joined the facebook site, thanks for the info.
A
Me-40 XH-44 T-21 M-18 Div-19 mo. D-18,S-15,D-11 Bomb-7/07 EA,PA Mvd out-9/07-to give me space mvd back-12/07 mvd out-7/08 back with OW since 2/08 OW broke it off-1/10 in and out of tunnel and our life since!!
