Who is this person?

[Day by Day]

@2B - Thank you for your support and for stopping by my thread.

Journaling again...
My counseling today was so-so. Guess I have to process the info. I discussed my concerns about appearing to be angry in my actions or responses to H. I'm getting tons of good advice IMHO everywhere and it's flooding me, but I need to absorb it. I'm also coming to accept the logic of DB and how from so many other sources, the ideas are so alike.

Personal growth is so important. The 180s, GAL, getting happy and at peace. Making the changes and seeing if your spouse looks in the mirror and takes responsibility for their needed changes.

I have done a few things that might appear like I'm angry to my H by not responding for several days to his email or making a point not to be around when he comes to get the kids. I have to learn to deal with my fear of the conflict and get some courage! He has me labeled as such an angry person while he is. I need to avoid any appearance of anger because that is what he is basing so much on. How will he know I've changed if he's avoiding me? He just wants to hang on to it and have a "victim" mentality. Silly. I possibly think the NC appears as if I'm angry. If he contacts me, I won't wait so long and try to sound happy and not pursue.

My C gave me a sheet of "effective responses to crazymaking" and she also suggested I read the book "Controlling People". It's not about my controlling my H, but about him not controlling me. Some other things she said about my fear about responding to H's emails or TMs was to find ways to stall to not act from fear and to make choices from info and not from fear.