I guess I should have added "or are my lights finally coming on" to my new title. I feel like I'm observing this whole sitch as a third party. I know what's going on now, I know what I need to do, but can I do without blowing it. It kind of feels like I'm walking a tightrope.

H just called he's on his way back with sons, they've been gone since last night. Putting up treestands for bowhunting. Lots of time to myself or maybe way too much time to myself. I'm beginning to feel like I don't need as much time to myself as I thought I did. I didn't get up till almost nine this morning, which is a first in about three months. I exercised, cleaned, went shopping...I don't really like to shop on the weekend because the stores are soo busy and I live so close that I can go after work which is when the mall, etc., isn't as busy.

Anyway, I feel myself getting anxious and wish I had plans to do something tonight. Most of my friends are busy this weekend.

I miss my son, I'm so used to having him here with me. I really don't know what I would do without him.

I feel like I did about a year ago today, like there's nothing exciting in my life, today is just a normal day in my life and I don't like it too much. I want excitement and stuff going on. I guess what I'm getting at is, it's not good for me to spend too much time by myself and that I do like having a lot going on. Now this is different than the way I used to feel, like a year ago. I always wanted lots of time to myself and I'm finding now I like lots going on in my life, I like being busy, I like being a little tired, I like excitement and want to be involved, I want a life. I like my life the way it is right now, I'm learning and growing, I'm LIVING is what I'm doing and haven't done that in a long, long time. I"m working on myself, I'm working on better relationships, I feel good about that. A year ago I was more worried about things happening at work then I was about my marriage, my H, the most important person in my life, except I didn't realize that and took him for granted. I remember obsessing about the silliest things at work, losing sleep over them in fact, like entering data a certain way and people not doing it that way...I mean THAT was important! Not!.. were my priorities mixed up. Now I'm learning to let go of the little things.

I'm rambling, but need to put this down for now. I'll be back later.

Hope everyone's having a good weekend. Welcome to the newcomers, this is a great place to be.

Cathy



I think I'm just rambling, so will come back later.