Gotta Keep Trying 2

[Coach]

then you can always use the ultimatum tact.

Setting a boundary is not a ultimatum, it's clarifying the situation. It's GIMA saying I love you wife, I've heard you, I've changed but we need to get out of this limboland place. It's GIMA saying I don't want to live like this either let's get rolling because I matter too.
A boundary get's the issue on the table so that it can be dialouged. Retro is great but GIMA can't go until Jan and only is Mrs GIMA agrees (the old two birds in the bush.) Setting a boundary won't ruin all his hard work, it will reinforce it. I would expect her to be angry at first, but what if she is relieved because she was unable to make a move first. We don't know how she will react, doesn't matter. Setting a healthy boundary is the right thing to do. How you say it matters.

I can't think of a reconciliation here where the WAS led the way out of limboland. Nothing wrong with making waves if it is propelling the marriage ahead. IMO taking the lead will gain respect, show confidence and be decisive. By putting the issue on the table it let's her off the hook, she can now talk about what she is feeling and thinking. I think letting your spouse know what you honestly think and feel is good. Isn't telling your spouse your thoughts, feelings and goals a trust building experience?

Staying in limboland is like the scene in Schindlers List when the one boy hops in the latrine and is neck deep and the other boy tells him to scram because this is his place to hide. Time to stop hiding and get busy.

What is the concern - she might get mad, he might find out she doesn't want to be married? What's the worst possible outcome?
Wouldn't he want to know now rather than later? This isn't the same as dropping a bomb. It's healthy adult dialouge on how to deal with a problem - ala Retro.

I got some ideas on how to reword. I agree it is negative and needs to have some spin on it.