One last thing, then I'll pipe down for the day...
The C asked that we give it another month- meaning that we are both all in, exposing our vulnerabilities, risking hurt, and letting go of our "escape plans" during this time (mine is the apartment, H's is his swinger's profile). We're about a week and a half into it at this point. That puts the "Do we continue MC or not?" discussion just before Thanksgiving. Not great timing, really lousy timing with the holidays in fact, but I guess I'm committed for the 3 sessions until then.
Yes, I am still somewhat in denial- I can hardly even say the word "abusive" when talking about my M. I don't know why, but I can't, and it was shocking the first time I heard it applied to my M. It's incredibly hard to shift your perspective when you've been living with a situation for a long time, you get used to it, develop coping mechanisms, maybe even get brainwashed. I am working on changing my mind set, but it's slow going at times. Actually it goes in spurts- I'll have good progress, then backslide a bit. I really am trying to stop the backslides.
