First thought is, "IF" W perceives your behavior as pursuit (and that "IF" is predicated on mind-reading, unless she has specifically stated this to you or someone trustworthy who is NOT prone to embellishment) is that necessarily a bad thing? This may be reminding her of your courtship days???? It is only a BAD thing if it is not moving you toward your goal, right? I understand the concern about cake-eating, but from your posts it sounds as though your W may be genuinely confused. You know her best so you need to rely on your instincts to make this call.
Second bit of feedback is based on feedback I've gotten on my thread and from Jody. ONLY make an ultimatum if you are truly prepared for a negative result. I have edited the "midnight letter of release" I am sending to my H today (Dday in 2 1/2 weeks) a number of times.....changing it from what was essentially an ultimatum (if you do not want to postpone the Ddate I am moving on with my life) to a much more detached, receptive version that I feel comfortable with after having lunch with his sister last weekend and learning that his childhood WAS really a nightmare. Jody and I now feel pretty certain H is in a MLC. I feel very comfortable and good with this approach now, although it took me a couple weeks, a lot of tears, prayers, and anger to get to this point.
My point in sharing this with you is that YOU, my good friend, are in a MUCH, MUCH better position than many of us on this board. I think that a lot of us see positives in your sitch, although we certainly understand your frustrations. Oftentimes these dynamics are easier to see from the outside than from within a situation. Your frustration is very normal, so please continue to vent here.
