I have accepted whatever crumbs my husband has thrown my way because I am supposed to love him unconditionally.
You are supposed to love yourself unconditionally first. Solution: love unconditionally but have boundaries on behavior that is unacceptable to you. Even God gave out boundaries.
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I have still been on a soul-searching journey and I am coming to the conclusion that I have been dis-honoring myself.
So start honoring yourself to get out of that hole. You can handle it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
love unconditionally but have boundaries on behavior that is unacceptable to you. Even God gave out boundaries.
Coach...Apparently I am confusing love with his behavior...Until you pointed this out, I just figured it was part of loving unconditionally - The good as well as the bad...Now I need to figure out how to honor myself...
I will be completely honest... I don't do anything without first wondering how he may react to it - If he will get mad at an action he perceives as a threat? If he won't speak to me for a few days because our last conversation somthing was said in a tone he didn't appreciate etc...Please tell me how to get over that?
I thought by now I would be past this however I still keep doing it no matter how many times I tell myself to stop - I shouldn't even care at this point right now.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I will be completely honest... I don't do anything without first wondering how he may react to it -
So how did that work?
Doesn't matter how he will react if it is good for you. So what if he gets mad, what's he going to do divorce you?
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If he won't speak to me for a few days because our last conversation somthing was said in a tone he didn't appreciate etc..
Did you say something that was hurtful, nasty or mean-spirited? If so apologise fir your behavior. Tell him you understand and say your sorry. Now, if he is trying to blame you for being upset and discount your feelings then he is at fault. Then it's his problem not yours.
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Now I need to figure out how to honor myself...
Love yourself, take care of yourself - mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Set boundaries so others see how much you love yourself.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
The fact is it doesn't work because he isn't here to begin with so he isn't reacting - I just worry he may react when he finds out...Divorce being the greatest fear though not sure why because abandonment is so much easier to deal with? HaHa
No, I stay completely business like when I have to talk to him (and he hates it).
Originally Posted By: Coach
Now, if he is trying to blame you for being upset and discount your feelings then he is at fault. Then it's his problem not yours.
This is how he acts...It is like he is looking for any reason to not have to interact with me or the boys and if he can't find one, he makes crap up.
Hard to set boundries when he isn't living here and we only communicate via text maybe once a week, if I am lucky a phone call every 2 weeks... How is he supposed to know I am a better person if he isn't around to see it? How is he going to know I still love him, forgive him and want our marriage to work if he can't see the changes? How can he know I am GAL if he doesn't live near me? This is what I am having a hard time with... I know the 180/GAL are for me and my peace of mind however aren't they there for our partners to see the changes as well?
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I have recently found out H has been ill... He has been having problems with his heart and has been to the ER on more then one occasion... He is on 3 different meds twice a day... Here is my quandry - He doesn't know I filed for child support because quite frankly my state is slow when it comes to these things... I can't get over the feeling that once he is served these papers, it may do him in... That is some guilt I couldn't live with however I don't want to tell him either... I don't want to add to his "stress" however if I withdraw the papers then isn't that basically giving him license to continue without any reprocussions? Is he going to play the "sick" card anytime something comes up he doesn't want to deal with and if so how can I get around that to continue to protect myself and my sons?
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I would not withdraw the filing. Being sick does not give him a pass on his responsibilities. If he is well enough to work, he is well enough to support his son financially. Why would supporting his son "do him in"?
Sorry Tristan... I ment the shock of the papers actually being filed because he wouldn't expect it out of me in a million years... I don't want to add stress to him however the free-ride should have ended long ago.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
One doesn't have anything to do with the other. Any man should support his own child financially, and "yes" -- if you let him "play the sick card" this time, he will play it often.
