WAS seeing reality?

[v1olin]

future, That is my path for now. Be very dark most of the time,continue being too busy to hang around because "I am meeting someone" but when I do have interactions with her in public - really shine!

[v1olin]

I also wanted to add that I am fighting an unfair fight similar to yours Future. My mother in-law is a child therapist and her husband is an old school marriage councelour. He told me 3 days after the bomb that when people come to marriage counceling it is usually "already too late." These things make it very hard to get through to her.

[futureunknown]

Yeah, I hate to say it, considering what my W does for a living, but I think MC is kind of a joke. DBing is FAR MORE effective. Marriage counselors want you to just talk about how you feel, how you feel, how you feel. Far more effective is to just be a better person and a be more attractive! A spouse will overlook a lot of little annoying things if they are fundamentally attracted to you. If they start to lose their attraction, every little thing becomes a big thing. The marriage builders web site also gives excellent advice, not for DBing, but for keeping your M healthy and happy.

I think a good question each of us should ask ourselves regularly is "If I was my W, would I feel lucky and proud to be M to me?" If the answer is "Not really" then get to work on yourself. I think many M problems are not problems in the M, but rather with the individual spouses.

[Kimmie Lee]

I may have missed it, but why were you the one to move out? WAW wants the D, let her do all the heavy lifting. You should have gotten with your lawyer immediately and gotten court-mandated spousal maintenance.

Stop worrying about taking money from her because that is not what's happening. She has been wasting MARITAL ASSETS on someone other than her own husband and children. And stop responding to every little batting of the eyelashes. She is cake-eating. Stop accepting any little crumb she throws your way. Stop trying to read into every little thing.

And STOP TAKING ORDERS FROM HER JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF MAKING HER MAD!! Who gives a sh!t if she's mad? Does she ever care about how she is making you feel? Get every single dime in child support that you are entitled too and stop feeling guilty about it.

Women make me sick and I am embarrassed to be one when I hear about crap like this. They want to be all independent and respected, and then they pull this sh!t.."Oh poor little me....how could a husband take "my" money....."

And since when is this all about her, anyway? She has torn apart a family with two small children. What king of a woman does that?

When a WAW starts acting all nicey-nice, watch out! They want something/someone, and it's not you. Also, no news is always bad news. You don't hear from her atty or yours for awhile? So? You will, and it will be more of the same, advancing the divorce process.

Listen to robx. Go on dates.

[v1olin]

Kimmie Lee, thank you for chiming in! Everything that you have said does have a huge place in my mind. I dont call my lawyer everyday because it costs money! I know that she will keep pushing the divorce and I am under no illusion that she is "coming around". I did go on a date that night but I have NOTHING in common with this woman. I dont know what my friends wife was thinking when they suggested her.


I am taking all that I can take from her in child support but I wont get any of it until the D is final. I told her we need to talk about splitting family photos,property,and custody and she seemed uncomfortable with it- I have no sympathy for her in this area! This is what she asked for!



I will be getting a part time job soon so that I can afford to get divorced. I will be asking in mediation for my wife to pay my legal expenses, 50/50 joint legal and physical custody, and half of ALL marital assets. This was the basis for this entire thread - will my wife see the reality of this situation if I take what is fair and mine? We will see I guess.



Oh, and there is a sweet lady at my daughters daycare that sseems to dig me. The problem is I know she is in a relationship. I would have asked her by now if she was not.

[v1olin]

Kimmie, I moved out the day after the bomb because that is what she wanted and I was weak at the time. I did not find the DB book or this website until a month after. I tried to move back in 1.5 months later and she had a HUGE mental tantrum! She acted like I was some kind of abuser or something. I have come to find out that that was around the time that things were "going well" with the "EA married friend". So yeah, lesson learned.

[v1olin]

Well, got an email from my lawyer. Looks like mediation is scheduled for october 27th. Can't wait!

[v1olin]

I am reveiwing my financial dec. right now and my lawyer will be calling me later today. I am starting to get that feeling in my gut again. Can anyone give me some comforting advice about this upcoming mediation? I dont want to lose it in there with lawyers watching. My wife STILL does not know that I know anything about her EA friend. She does not even know that I know he left the country. Any advice there? Should I tell her that I know what is going on?

[v1olin]

Talked to the lawyer today. She wants me to come up with what I want and talk to my wife about how we are going to split property and holidays with the kids and that good stuff. And I have to have it all figured out for her by tomorrow! SHe also said that when we are done with mediation and we agree on things then they will put in an order and it will be all over. SO, This is it I guess. Time to have a talk with the wife I think.


We had a good time together last night and I am not ready to give up.

[K4D]

Then don't give up. Why do you have to have this to the L by tomorrow?

Kevin