Thanks. I feel like we are either side of a fence and neither has enough guts to jump over. I think I do, but don't want to undo what I've been able to do so far. Would be a whole lot better for her to jump first.
Only one way out of limboland. You know the answer. How would you handle this if it was a case at work?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Are you asking GIMA to pursue then? It sounds like it and pursuing at this point may scare someone away don't you agree?
I am thinking more along the lines of a "boundary" type conversation.
I feel__________________. When you do __________. I want _________________. If you continue to do _____________. Then I will ____________.
No pressure but start a dialouge on geting out of limbo. If you think about it GIMA's wife is doing some cake-eating all the benefits of being married without having a real marriage relationship. I am not advocating "bowing" up here and making demands but letting her know his patience isn't limitless. It also shows his confidence, I have decided that this isn't how I want to be treated. So the way out of limbo is to take action and lead yourself out of it. It's his choice and her's on how she handles things.
Change up some of your handling a affair script to this situation. I am not pursuing you but I am deciding things for myself that are good for me. I do think the timing has to be when the negative feelings have dropped and they are in a "friend" stage. Make sense?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
The 'no pursuit' recommendation is for couple in LRT.
Exactly. I think too many people get hung up on LRT when they were no where near needing to go that far yet. GIMA's wife seems to really be making steps back toward the M, but not knowing how to resolve her feelings. IMO, GIMA does need to set some boundaries with her and let her know that he an not continue to be in a M without a MR. Right now, she is a roomate...that is not an acceptable family life. It will begin to wear on the kids.
GIMA - do your kids show any kind of reaction to the separate rooms? Sleeplessness, night terrors, constantly getting up to wander the house?
I've been wondering how they are handling the oddity.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Change up some of your handling a affair script to this situation. I am not pursuing you but I am deciding things for myself that are good for me. I do think the timing has to be when the negative feelings have dropped and they are in a "friend" stage. Make sense?
Coach (and all), I think we ARE at the friend stage. No tension. We both are nice to each other. It's pleasant, but not intimate.
Need some input from you guys to help me tweak this. Here is what I think I will tell W.
W, I have decided I am not satisfied with the R we currently have. I feel unloved, neglected and unappreciated. I do not want this type of a R. I want a loving, caring M with someone who wants the same from me. If we remain in our current R, I will not stay. Instead, I will seek out a loving R somewhere else. That's not what I want, but what I must pursue if we remain as we are now.
