My two cents is, whatever you decide to do on this particular matter, beware of getting into/back into a pattern where you're afraid to bring up possibly-contentious subjects because "things are going so well". Tiptoeing around each other isn't intimacy (and for my money, isn't a marriage either).
Is suppressing your own desires and/or concerns a price you wish to pay for continuing to be with your wife?
Whatever her health/emotional issues, she's the one who brought a third party into your marriage. Does her comfort trump your comfort on this matter?
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
