Slept with XH, help!!

[Augtan]

Yes, all this helps a lot, but as I do all this how is he ever going to notice when he is 700 miles away? Should I have sent him that text saying "have a safe trip"? How is he going to see all my changes if he is not around to see them. I guess, he has seen a lot of them already, but like it says in the "MLC for Dummies" they can't recogonize them cause that defeats their purpose in making us miserable.

But, he has said he is very proud of me and all I have done and accomplished without him. But, in the next breath he says it is too late for us...also a typical MLCer's response. I was a stay at home mom for 15 yrs. and I know it bothered him even though we agreed on it...I now work full-time at my family company and am about to start another "project" for our family non-profit organization. He also complained that I didn't disipline our kids enough and when I did I didn't follow thru, well I showed him that when he was up here with our D16 and he was shocked. He also hated how "angry" he thought I was all the time, and I have become so much less angry and defensive, he has seen this too when I do talk to him or he hears me talking to the kids. I have also talked to him about my anger and why I had it and how I have acknowledged it and am dealing with it. And, he always told me he knew I would be a vindictive bitch if we got divorced, and I have not been that at all, especially with the fact that we ML and I haven't told OW and told him I won't!! I guess, I need to let all this stuff sink in and for him to get to a point where he can process it. I have said before that I also think that he tosses around the idea of us getting back together but sees it as too big of a mountain to climb. He would have to move here, make ammends with my family, make ammends with our kids for all he has done to hurt them, etc. I do think that when he was here and we went out to dinner with a lot of my family he felt that making ammends with them might not be as hard as he thought it would be. And, I am not talking about it all as much with any of them. So, I guess it is a waiting game while I do as all of you say and work on myself and keep improving me for me. I know no matter what I will be better off cause if it isn't with him it will be with someone else that I take these changes into the next relationship which will make that one much more sucessful.

Thanks again everyone! I'm sure more and more will happen, but like I asked, what kind of contact should I have with him? I have GD and it didn't work, so I want to have minimal contact but how should it be...light and breezy, like the text I suggested or still none at all?

Me-39
XH-42
M- 17 1/2 yrs
D-16, S-14, D-10
MLC- started 10/06
OW discovered-7/07
seperated-9/07
back together- 12/07
moves out again-7/08
D final-5/09
find out he was with OW the whole time btwn 1/08 to now -9/09