OH!!! I almost forgot....I told him that one thing that the phone call/email DID get me thinking about is how we are now compared to when it all came down....I don't like that we don't have a sexual relationship. I need one in order to feel loved and more than friends. He said, "Well, let's have sex then." "Huh?" I said. "Well, the books I read basically say we just have to dive in. What helps me is that you are happy with what I am giving you even if it doesn't always lead to intercourse. Then, with that feeling I am able to more want to do other things. I think that is a good way to start." I'm dumbfounded (yet a little skeptical...we will see about this). I did go on to say that there are reasons that he is stopping himself and I want more than once a week, although that is a good way to start. I said how I'd like him to get some sex therapy as needed because I can't live like before. He seemed open to it.
I did go on to say that there are reasons that he is stopping himself and I want more than once a week, although that is a good way to start. I said how I'd like him to get some sex therapy as needed because I can't live like before. He seemed open to it.
DOH!
That could have been done with out, wrong time.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I did go on to say that there are reasons that he is stopping himself and I want more than once a week, although that is a good way to start. I said how I'd like him to get some sex therapy as needed because I can't live like before. He seemed open to it.
DOH!
That could have been done with out, wrong time.
I was gonna say the same thing. Bad timing, and you don't want to come across as trying to "fix him." You want it to be an "us" thing.
I wasn't going to say anything, but believe it or not it was a good time. He was very open, not bristling at all, wanting to hear what I had to say.....it was like he was waiting for me to start talking about this...
It WAS an "us" thing. I didn't explain it well on here. I said WE everything. Because, really, it is BOTH of us.
They say the more you do it, the more you want it so his thinking is spot on! Who cares if it is great right out of the gates. I suspect any effort would be great and certainly appreciated. Time to take a swim, hon.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Yes, Kat. Anything would be appreciated. I just want to feel like he wants me. Just the talk last night made me feel like he did. I kept telling Hope he needed to communicate and here I was not doing it enough in my own relationship. He even said how for his bday he wants me to go out with him and wear "that really low cut top you have" and have fun together.
It's easier to give advise than follow it yourself isn't it?
I'm telling you, I think most people can deal with the hurt, it's the lies, lies of omission, out right deceipt that is the worst thing to deal with.
I'm so happy for you WDID. I've got a great big on my face, and yes, a few tears in my eyes. I need to get back to work so my guys doen't see me all weepy and chit.
You've got a ways to go, just like all of us here, but it's a GREAT start!
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
I was worried about you lately, and it sounds like you are doing great now!!! I think you are a little bit like my X with the "protecting", but it kept him from communicating with me, and really was never good for the M. I'm so glad it worked out so well!!!
