We didn't get around to the lifestyle topic, but that's OK, tonight was productive. I'll table that topic for another session. Believe me, I'm not letting that go, not by a long shot! The C wanted to talk about the Love Languages tonight.
Good Hell! I can't believe that even after 5 sessions that your C is talking about Love Languages and avoiding the elephant in the living room.
How about realizing that your LL is monogamy. What is the rational for tabling the swinging issue? I mean, even if you managed to get everything else going great, is that not a deal-breaker for you?
Originally Posted By: SpyBunny
While H was somewhat dissatisfied about my acts of service (he said if I was more confident, those acts of service would be more prominent),
-snip-
H also admitted to being deliberately stingy with affirmations because he didn't want me to have "false confidence"- meaning he didn't want me becoming over-confident. The C pointed out that plan seemed to backfire because I mostly heard negatives as a result, and thus became less and less confident.
-snip-
I remember having a similar convo with H in the past regarding affirmations . . . Those times H was very dismissive of the topic . . . also claiming he shouldn't have to give affirmations because I shouldn't need them. I shouldn't count on others for validation; i should be able to self-validate.
Did your C also point out what a manipulative, mind-f*$k that is?
Your H chides you for your lack of confidence and insecurities, while he withholds, invalidates, and acts in a way sure to take a chink out of any woman's confidence.
IMO, your counselor is a moron who doesn't have a clue what he is doing.
The C didn't table the topic, not his fault, I kept it to myself.
Maybe the C doesn't even know what to do about that issue, it's pretty off the wall- Communication issues are easy places to start. Did I mention that the C's undergrad degree is from Bringham-Young University? I saw it on his wall- that place doesn't exactly have a rep as a hot-bed of sexual experimentation. My IC liked him after talking to him on the phone, and says he "gets it". I don't know what his exact plan is- I was giving him the benefit of the doubt that he knows what he's doing.
Continuing a previous post- maybe the C thinks the swinging issue is off the table since H isn't pushing for it at the moment. He's left it with the C at "no guarantee for the future." Maybe it's just an ongoing issue in my own head because I don't see it as resolved. Not only no guarantee, but no acknowledgment that it hurt me.
Please start a new thread. I'm locking this one because it has become too long.
Also, I strongly suggest that you speak with a Divorce Busting Coach. Your DB Coach will give you fresh insight and direction -- and will give you tips that will help you make the most of those sessions with your C. Feel free to give me a call if you'd like to talk more about this idea. 303-444-7004
